Healthy Mindset Miracles

Ep.018 - Empowering Others Through Survival: Neosho's Advocacy and Faith

• Tanisha • Season 1 • Episode 18

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Episode_018
What if you could turn your most challenging life experiences into a source of inspiration and advocacy? Join us in this episode of Healthy Mindset Miracles as we welcome the remarkable Neosho Ponder. Neosho's journey is nothing short of extraordinary—starting from a first-generation college graduate battling ADHD to earning her PhD from Howard University, and then facing a breast cancer diagnosis a year later. Her story is one of resilience, perseverance, and the transformative power of humor and faith.

Neosho takes us through the intense journey of her breast cancer treatment, sharing the physical and emotional hurdles she encountered from the moment she discovered a lump in her breast to the harrowing experience of severe radiation burns and the complexities of reconstructive surgery. Despite these challenges, Neosho’s unwavering humor provides a unique perspective on the trials she faced. We dive into her evolution from patient to advocate, highlighting her impactful work with the Tiger Lily Foundation and her role in public speaking and conferences.

The episode also explores the incredible support Neosho received from her community, including her church family and sorority sisters, as she navigated the loss of close friends and the emotional toll it took on her. Hear how Neosho's faith and humor played pivotal roles in her healing journey, as encapsulated in her book, "God's Got Jokes: How I Used My Faith and God's Humor to Survive Breast Cancer." From transforming scars into tattoos to reclaim her identity to dealing with the intricacies of dating post-reconstructive surgery, Neosho’s story is a testament to the power of community, faith, and a positive mindset in overcoming life’s greatest challenges.

Contact for Neosho: 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_ponder/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/neosho-c-ponder-ph-d-4bb7461a/
Twitter: PonderOnThat
Email: jokesbyGod@gmail.com

Thank you for tuning in to this empowering episode of Healthy Mindset Miracles." We hope you found inspiration and insight into the journey of redefining your mindset.

If you have any questions or would like to share your own experiences, please visit our website:
www.healthymindsetmiracles.com

We welcome your stories and inquiries. If you are interested in being a guest send us a message under contact us in the website.

Stay tuned for more episodes where we continue to explore the path to healing and well-being. Until we meet again, may you discover a healthy mindset in your life. 🌟

Don't forget to like, share, comment and subscribe on our Facebook and YouTube channel.


Speaker 1:

All right, welcome back to Healthy Mindset Miracles. My name is Tanisha, and we have one of the most amazing, vibrant people that I've ever had on this podcast. Her name is Neosha Ponder. She is a graduate, with her PhD from Howard University. She did this in the young age of her 30s. Unfortunately, though, a year after she got her doctorate, she had got diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm going to let her tell her story. Her story is huge and just amazing. She became an author to an incredible book, and these are things that why I do this podcast. So, neosha, thank you so much for being with us. I'm so excited to hear your story. You were amazing, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Tanisha, I appreciate you inviting me on. I think that when I do podcast interviews it's always a different, fresh take, even on my own story, because some people want to go this direction, we want to go this direction. So I love when I actually submitted to be here, you know, because I believe in the power of your, of your mental health and how it can help you through the now, in the darkest days. But also medical issues and I know that my mental had something to do with how I survived breast cancer.

Speaker 1:

Oh, absolutely, because I was reading some of your story and we were talking about it before you know. We started hitting record and I fully agree with you. I'd like you to tell my listeners a little bit about your college. You know what, what kind of degree did you get? And then you know you did this at such an early age. It's an incredible defeat to even graduate college in the first place and then from there let's go into what all happened.

Speaker 2:

Thank, you Okay. Well, I am gosh. I'm a first generation college graduate. That is a huge accomplishment in my community, and it's called first gen for short, and being a first generation college graduate it was. I didn't think of it, it was just kind of like what I did, right, I do what I'm good at. You know, I leaned into it. I've always been a studious child. You know I'm neurodivergent, I have ADHD, but I wasn't diagnosed until my 30s, so I didn't know that. Most women with ADHD, specifically Black women, are very, you know, intelligent, like to learn and really good at school, and usually you're in the gifted programs and things like that. And so much of my life made sense, though, because I'm also messy and I used to like get in trouble for not having a clean room and my bed wasn't made, but I was cool because I could just stay in my room and just read or, you know, do homework or something.

Speaker 1:

So it was worked out. I wonder if that has something to do with because you have a sanguine personality. Have you ever looked into like the different personalities sanguine, phlegmatic, melancholy and cleric?

Speaker 2:

Not that personality types. No, I'm ENFP. I will say that through the 16 personality types, though.

Speaker 1:

So sanguine personality. They're extremely fun, vibrant people, but they can live in their mess and be okay with it. And I'm the same way, you know we're, we're very, you know, hyper vibrant people. But like if our room's dirty, we don't care, we'll just read a book that doesn't affect us one bit.

Speaker 2:

Cause cause. My mess doesn't necessarily mean that it is a mess to me. You know, and um, and as I've gotten older and I'm, you know, I'm medicated and everything you know I do try my best to create some sense of organization and and whatnot, but I disorganization to some people. It may be organization to me and I've been like reprimanded at work for having a messy desk, but I know where everything is and so it made me a bit paranoid at times to even have a desk where people could walk by or something, because I didn't want to be reprimanded again, because it wasn't like I'm being lazy or something, which is a horrible stereotype of people who are neurodivergent. You know, people with ADHD are not lazy people, we just process things differently. But going back to the school question, so I graduated high school in 1998 and went right into college.

Speaker 2:

I wanted to go to Howard University for undergrad since I was 13. In the early 90s everyone wanted to go to Hillman College from a different world, which was a fictional school. I thought Howard university was Hillman. I had a Howard university jacket. Uh, when I was in middle school I used to, you know, remember the, the perforated edges of the printer paper and, like middle elementary school, I used to print out these banners in my room Howard university, class of 2002, all these things. So um, but I tried. Um, but I had to wait a little bit before I got there, because I'm not the best standardized test taker, you know, my grades were always amazing, my community service, everything that you would want in a great college student. But because standardized tests in the 90s was such a huge thing getting into college and getting scholarships especially so I was accepted to Howard University.

Speaker 2:

But I didn't have the money, so I thought I was going to go to the military. At the time I took the ASVAB. You know, had the fourth highest score in my school, but I didn't mean to. I was late for school one day and somebody said I had to take the test because I was late. I was stuck in traffic my senior year of high school, and so I took the test. I was the fourth highest in school, was heavily recruited by all branches of the armed forces and I was going to go into the army. But a week before I was supposed to sign I didn't want the government to own me for four years.

Speaker 2:

So there was my Howard University money, so I had to go to the local university, which I think that was probably the best decision for me, and that's the University of Missouri, kansas City, go Roos. So I went to UMKC, I pledged my sorority, I became very active on campus and in my community and then when I left Kansas City at 25, I thought I was going to go to graduate school in California. So I moved to Southern California at 25 to go to graduate school and I didn't like Southern California at 25 to go to graduate school and I didn't like Southern California. And I knew I wanted to go to Howard for my PhD. But I had to get a master's before I got the PhD.

Speaker 2:

So I was like, oh, I'll just get a master's in public relations. That's kind of what I've been doing anyway, you know, kind of like freelance. And then I decided, oh, I'm not going to go to USC for grad school because I don't like living in Southern California. So I ended up getting a great opportunity to travel the country, teaching, doing conferences, and that allowed me to move to Washington DC, where I've been since 2006. And I applied to Howard the first time. Did not get in, okay, yeah, did not get in um, and so what I did was I said okay, I'm gonna reapply, cool that's what I say.

Speaker 2:

It didn't stop you, no no, plus, I didn't think my application was the strongest anyway, so I just had to go back to the drawing board. I had to be strategic about who I had to write my letters of recommendation, what my research interests would be and all these different things. And I retook the GRE, which is like the SAT or ACT for graduate school, right? So I retook the GRE, got a higher score on that and, yeah, and I started Howard University in the fall of 2008. And I stayed there until the spring of 2015.

Speaker 2:

So I earned a master's degree at Howard University in mass communication and media studies and a PhD in communication, culture and media studies. So I was at Howard longer than most people, yeah, and I had the opportunity to teach as well while I was working on my doctorate. So then I taught at Howard throughout my doctorate and then also the year after I finished school as an adjunct professor. So I taught at Howard for five years and it was an amazing opportunity to do that and I'm proud to be a two time alum, two time Bison Love it.

Speaker 1:

Well, you stayed focused. You knew what you wanted at a very young age. You stayed focused till you got to that aspect of getting it done and then you accomplished it. That's huge, like you did, the one thing that a lot of people wish they had had done. Like I wished I would have focused on school instead of focused on guys when I was younger, you know, and I would have been able to accomplish those things. But I appreciate people like you who have and that's wonderful and beautiful that you took the time in yourself, you invested in yourself in order to be able to do more. Now you graduated, and then what happened?

Speaker 2:

Well, I just want to compliment you as well, because and this is what I have to tell my family even school is just my ministry, right, it's what I'm good at. And if you're good at relationships and I don't think I was that good at relationships when I was younger, which is probably why I'm single then you know, and I and you've already spoken about your husband and how you're you know. So imagine, you know, going through breast cancer alone. You know not having anyone there and whatnot, and I had friends and you know when my parents came out. But still, you know, I think that we all have our path Right, and it was not for everyone.

Speaker 2:

I grew up with a younger sister and she's 13 months younger than me. She's the polar opposite of me in every way, wow, every way. I'm left handed, she's right handed, I'm short, she's tall, you know, I'm brown, she's lighter than me, we're just very oil and water, literally. And she started having children my freshman year in college and I had three nephews in three years in college and then she took a break, a long break. I thought it was a forever break and she had two more. So she has five children, um, and I have none.

Speaker 2:

So it's like we all have our paths, is my point you know, so I don't want your, your viewers and your listeners to think that you know school is the way for everyone, because it's not. I believe that that learning is a way. Yes, don't just sit there and not learn anything. And now my sister, you know, over the summer she's an over the road charter bus driver for a traveling competition band, which I think is really cool. She's doing stuff I would never do. So, yeah, and I'm proud of her, and all her children are great and I wish they would do more in terms of professional, but we're working on them. They're in their 20s and they're trying to find themselves, but they're all alive, you know they're not incarcerated?

Speaker 2:

They're not. She's not a grandmother, you know. So things like that you know. We just have to look for and that's the kind of person I am, as I and as I get into you know, my diagnosis and whatnot. You know I've always taken and looked at the glass half full.

Speaker 1:

That's so beautiful to have that outlook. Yeah, and it's just who I am.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and it's just who I am. I don't think that I was raised this way, cause my mama, she, if I don't call my mama a few times a week, she thinks I'm dead, not busy, not, I got a boyfriend, not, you know anything that not, I'm not, you know just don't feel well this week. You know what I mean. No, okay, and I'm 44 years old and Pam, my mama, she really, you know, just thinks the worst. I'll call and be on the phone with my dad for like an hour, cause me and my dad are like we like this and she was like well, what's wrong? And he'd be like nothing.

Speaker 1:

Like yeah.

Speaker 2:

So just know that sometimes, you know, we get a lot of things from our parents, but sometimes it's our choices to make to be. You know who we are. So, a year after I earned my doctorate at Howard, I was interviewing for jobs. I was teaching at two different universities. I was teaching at Howard University and I was teaching at Trinity, washington University, which, nancy Pelosi, is our claim to fame. It was founded by nuns who were not allowed to go to the Catholic University of America. I love their story, by the way. They were like, oh, we can't go to school here. Well, hold our rosary, we're going to go down the street and start our own school. And that's what they did. Seriously, they were denied, as women, to go to college. So the undergrad at Trinity is all it's all women still. And then now they have a graduate program and then they have a professional studies program and I teach in the graduate school and the school of professional studies at Trinity. And I started that the year I graduated and I've been doing it ever since, even through treatment and everything. So, year I graduated and I've been doing it ever since, even through treatment and everything.

Speaker 2:

So so, a year after I finished my doctorate. I um, on Fridays I didn't go to campus, I didn't, you know, I just chilled out, you know, caught up on my DVR, and I was on the phone with my sorority sister and, uh, and she was talking to me about this juice cleanse that her husband was doing because they were trying to get healthy and they wanted to have a baby and all this stuff. And I was like, oh, I'm about to start the green smoothie cleanse and we were exchanging our little stories or whatever. I had already gone to the grocery store to get all my stuff and and I'm laying in bed and this is in the afternoon. I'm not going to lie Like. I just laid in bed all day and I adjusted my boob in a tank top, like the way it was twisted. Instead of me untwisting the tank top, though, I pulled my boob back into the tank top, and when I did that, I felt a lump it was just that simple.

Speaker 2:

It was nothing, you know, I wasn't, you know, in the shower or anything like all these like dramatic ways people discover their lumps. No, it was just I just like pulling that boob back over in the tank. It was just I just like pulling that move back over. And I wasn't a busty girl or anything. But yeah, and my heart dropped and my sorority sister was still talking and I was like stop, wait, wait. And she was like what I was like? I just felt something in my breast, so give me a minute. And I had to take a beat because I couldn't believe it and I immediately touched the other side because that's typically where our mind goes Well, a lot of people's minds go.

Speaker 2:

I touched the other side. I didn't feel anything and I touched it again. I was like, and I looked at the clock and it was 5.37 PM and I heard God say this is why you can't find a job. I have a bigger job for you. And in hearing that, I knew my life would never be the same. So for the next three years, from 2016 to basically 20, well, let me be, yeah, 2018, you could say I dealt with all the things related to breast cancer. I did fertility treatment, I did um, I had to undergo chemo, I had to undergo radiation and um, and then I also had a reconstructive surgery after uh radiation, but it didn't. It wasn't that smooth. I just listing them, but there was like gaps and issues, and the biggest issue was I had suffered from a radiation burn for an entire year.

Speaker 1:

Can you explain to our listeners what that is. What is a radiation burn?

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh. So radiation is to kill, you know, any lingering cancer cells that was left over from chemo, and the radiation goes specifically to the area where your tumors or tumor was. And most of us depending on your diagnosis, right. So I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma, stage 2B, and stage 2B means that my tumor was 2.8 centimeters and I had one positive lymph node. Okay, so I was 0.2 centimeters away from being stage 3. From being stage three.

Speaker 2:

And the one positive lymph node meant that it would have, it was possible that I have would become metastatic in that moment, in that the, the cancer would spread to other parts of my body and it's. It's just God. Okay, that's how my faith is set up. You can say the universe, whatever you believe in, something said we're going to stop it here, right, and that one lymph node, um, I'm I'm so grateful that it was only one. Now, was I mad? It was one? Yeah, because that meant I had to do radiation, because I tried to push back on radiation, actually and this is before I even had the burn or finished chemo, but I couldn't because I had that positive lymph node. So I um, so radiation is where they. You know, they radiate the area, but when they're doing it, they're supposed to tell you to moisturize the area with, you know, specific ointments and stuff or or lotions and stuff, and I wasn't told that.

Speaker 2:

And then, by I was supposed to get 25 rounds of radiation and by my 13th round, I started to see tearing under my armpit, which is normal. You know. The top layer of your skin will burn off or whatever is fine because healthy skin, the first treatment I started to have pain on the bottom of the burn of the radiated area because I had no boots. I had had a double mastectomy at this by this time. Um, and it was like these bumps or something, and I later learned those were blisters and my, I was in extreme pain to where I had to be prescribed, um, opioids for pain, and it's at the height of the opioid epidemic, y'all. So that was crazy 2017. Uh, because I couldn't. It was like no pharmacy in the district of columbia would fill my prescription, so I had to find a pharmacy over the line into maryland to fill my prescriptions, unless I went to a hospital pharmacy, but the hospital pharmacy you have to sit there for okay all right.

Speaker 2:

So, um, by round 13 of my radiation, I noticed some tearing in my armpit and the? Um. That's normal, you know. Usually the radiation will burn off that top layer of skin because it's radiation, you know. It's a how do you say like a ray, you know. So it's not heated or anything like that. But the other radiation what it does is it's trying to penetrate.

Speaker 2:

And yeah, and it's. And it burned off the top layer and it started in my armpit though off the top layer and it started in my armpit though. And then, about a week later, around the 21st treatment, I started to notice these. I had already experienced some pain a little bit, and they were trying to prescribe me opioids for the pain because it was that bad, and I later learned those were blisters forming and then you know being yeah, so I was prescribed opioids, and it's funny because this is 2017, the height of the opioid epidemic.

Speaker 2:

So I either had to, because DC would not know DC pharmacy would fill those prescriptions Only hospital pharmacies in DC or I would have to go across the line into Maryland Only hospital pharmacies in DC or I would have to go across the line into Maryland. So, but the catch to the hospital pharmacies is they will want you to sit there for four hours to make sure you're not going to start withdrawal before they fill your prescription. Isn't that the craziest thing? But that's just how bad the opioid epidemic was Right. So I found a pharmacy right over the line, because I couldn't go too far into Maryland, because I had my. My health care was Obamacare, the Affordable Care Act. So I was on DC Medicaid and because it was DC Medicaid, I don't go but so far outside of DC.

Speaker 2:

So I went right across the line into into Maryland and found a pharmacy and I, and that was just, you know, really hard to have that pain and to know that this is what's happening. But I was not prepared for what was to come next and that was a full-on severe radiation burn, more severe than doctors and nurses had seen and come to find out. I believe, in my opinion, that I was giving too much I'll start there and it was burning me from the inside out. So there was nothing they could do but let it take its course, because it was coming to the surface anyway. And I want to say, um, she's, uh, the, the tech you know, asked the doctor if we could pause the radiation and they paused it. But as they were pausing it, you know I got worse and worse and it got to the point to where I had a full on. You know, whatever the degree burns you get, uh, where they have scarring.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, severe scarring I can.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so um, I still have scarring.

Speaker 2:

So I'm recovering now from a yeah, severe scarring. So I still have scarring, so I'm recovering now from a revision surgery and then my armpit here.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, wow.

Speaker 2:

But there was no boob here. Let me be very clear. Ok, it was like nothing, and eventually it burned off all my skin, the little bit of tissue I had there, to where I had a thin layer of muscle, and then my ribs, essentially, and I had to wear a bandage over it for a year. The radiology clinic that I went to I'll never say who the doctor was or the hospital, I'll never tell that, but because this isn't something that's common enough for me to start saying that, you know, but the doctor was only at that hospital once a week, so that was already a problem, and so I would have to wait an entire week to see the doctor again. And that was what was hard for me.

Speaker 2:

It got to the point where I had to go to another hospital where the doctor was working to get my prescription. Because, going back to the opioid issue, when you are prescribed opioids, you cannot, doctors cannot call in the prescription or the pharmacy cannot when hospitals can't unless it's the hospital pharmacy, and not when hospitals can't unless it's the hospital pharmacy. So if it's like a, I go to CVS. If it's a CVS, Walgreens or something, you have to have a paper prescription with your doctor's signature in hand.

Speaker 2:

So, every 30 days, not 30 years, I'm sorry, it was every 10 days. They would only give me 10 pills at a time, too, so that's not a problem. Every 10 days, I had to go to my doctor, get a prescription, go to the pharmacy, and I'm doing all of this when I could barely put my arm down and I'm driving myself. I don't have family here or anything you might have to drive me around. And so, as time went on, in 2017, I started to carry a bandage bag because they told me that they would not do my wound care in the doctors in the radiology clinic anymore, that I had to do it myself, and it's not easy taping your own body and securing something like that. And then, on top of that, I'm allergic to certain adhesives. Go figure, I learned that after my double mastectomy that I can't have certain adhesives because it burns my skin, so your skin is very sensitive, as it is Clearly.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so the only tape that I could use was Band-Aid brand paper tape. Okay, they only sell it at Target. Oh, wow, wow, they don't sell it at Rite Aid, walgreens, cvs. Uh, I don't shop at Walmart. Uh, they only sold it at Target. So I would go to Target and clear the shelf. It would be like four boxes. Most of the targets, the shelves are full of it. It's four boxes. I would grab all four boxes.

Speaker 2:

Yep, and I had to go to CVS to get ABD pads and then I eventually I had to walk around with a roll of Saran wrap. It was a whole thing. It was a lot I had to undergo. And then, in the summer of 2017, I woke up with chills and it was summer and come to find out, I had an infection in my chest wall called cellulitis from the burn, and my temperature was 103 and they thought they were going to have I was going to become septic. Um, and they were. That was a true fear. So I was on heavy antibiotics for four days. Um, and what people don't don't realize is when you lose a parent to sepsis which I did a year prior, and this was my first father's day without my biological father and then, on top of that, I'm in the hospital fighting the same thing that you know that he died of that causes psychological issue right there.

Speaker 1:

There it is yep and um.

Speaker 2:

so it really freaked me out. That hospital stay was very traumatic because I had never spent the night in a hospital. My breast my breast mastectomy was outpatient. Wow yeah, I had a double mastectomy and I got to go home. So the fact that, you know, I'm spending the night in the hospital for the first time in my life Again, I've never had children or anything like that.

Speaker 2:

I've never had health problems, and that's the joke too. It's guys like okay, you're gonna have health problems, I'm gonna give you a big one and you're gonna do it, you know, and uh, and so that uh was very traumatic, um, to the point where I wanted to die, um, and not take my own life. But I was just ready to go and I told god that because I was in so much pain, they couldn't give me pain medication very much anyway, for fear of addiction. And um, and jesus said at one night he was like did you hear my sandals come down the hallway? Okay, then it ain't your time, roll back over and keep watching gray's anatomy and I say, I say this in my book.

Speaker 2:

I mean, that's exactly because I was watching Grey's Anatomy on my laptop at the time, seriously, and FYI hospital shows like that were very cathartic for me while I was sick. So I've watched ER all 15 seasons, probably twice. I've watched all of Grey's Anatomy probably like four times all of the seasons and at at the time back then it was probably about 15 seasons or so of Grey's Anatomy um but, but things like that are quite cathartic, um, because it does take you away from your own situation, um, it's kind of like you're watching other people go through stuff.

Speaker 2:

You know, um, and also I will say and I you know me having a master's and phd in media I have to say I chose to study media as um because I love tv. You know, I really do, and I've never wanted to work in tv, necessarily, but, um, I learned so much from watching tv, um, and also it helped my mind stay focused on the positive.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it took your mind off of what you were dealing with in the moment so that you could focus on other things instead of focus on the pain, and you know a lot of people we were. I was just talking about that on my last episode that we recorded. We were talking about how a lot of times we want to mentally escape and one ways we do that is get on our phones or, you know, scroll mindlessly through things. You know we just want to get out of what it is that we're dealing with in the moment and it's okay to do that. It's totally okay to do that. So.

Speaker 2:

But don't say that, right? So that's what my auntie once said to me my auntie who's my third mama. I have three mamas. My mom has two older sisters, so my third mama said it's okay to be in the valley, just don't stay there. And the scrolling on the phone thing was not good for me. That made me more sad, because I got to see everyone's lives moving forward. However, wow, I don't have tick tock. I don't use tick tock.

Speaker 2:

Um, I wasn't active on instagram really. I only had instagram back then because my students wanted to stay in touch with me in some way and they knew I wouldn't print them on facebook. Right, I? I just scroll Facebook and see people close to me having children, getting married, owning homes, getting promotions, and I'm rooting for them, right, and and and and. I'm showing up for them and being excited, but at the same time, I am devastated at my situation.

Speaker 2:

So that was hard, um. So one day god told me to god. I thought god said delete my facebook. I swear I did it. Uh, and I was like well, god, that's how I get money, because I would. People would donate to like my gofundme. Um, that's actually how cnn found me. Well, I take that back. Wsa9 local cbs station, um found me, um did a online um interview about me and the Affordable Care Act, and then CNN saw that article and reached out to me to participate in a town hall. But, yeah, I had to post on Facebook and I created even a secret group to even get more personal about things on Facebook with close friends and family, because they are the ones who were paying my bills.

Speaker 2:

I didn't have a job, you know, and then when I thought I could get a job after radiation, the burn happened. So I'm going to job interviews with a bandage on my chest that no one knew, thank God to cover up. Yeah, and in pain and dealing with all that on top of me trying to get a job. Didn't get a job, you know, but that's because God already told me to sit down somewhere. Didn't get a job, you know, but that's because God already told me to sit down somewhere.

Speaker 2:

So I will say that when I realized he meant to delete majority of my Facebook friends, I didn't know at the time this is another joke. I didn't know one. There was a mute button on Facebook. This is when they first started the mute button. The first week of mute button was when God said delete these Facebook people. So I was obedient and I deleted more than half of my Facebook friends, and if I was friends with a couple I would delete one of the spouses. And in doing that I didn't realize that people would be offended by that. And by being offended I mean like to this day there are people who will not talk to me anymore because I unfriended them on Facebook. I remember getting a really long text message from a sorority sister and her mom is a survivor.

Speaker 2:

And at the time I'm going through hyperbaric oxygen treatment. And if you don't know what that is, hyperbaric oxygen is when you have wounds that won't heal and they have to put you in a tube to oxygenate your blood to expedite healing. Okay, right At the time I worked a contract job from from three to make sure I get this right Two, 30, 3 PM, basically to.30 at night. Then who goes to sleep right when they get home from work? Most people don't. I end up dozing off at 4 o'clock in the morning, waking up at 6 to get to the hospital and get in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber by 7.30. As close to 7 as I could, by 7.30. I'm in there for like two hours or so Did you take nap?

Speaker 1:

time.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I had to. I mean, I sleep in the MRI machine, girl, I don't you know. I tell whoever sits next to me on an airplane. I just let them know I'm not going to make it off the runway. So I hope you have a good flight. Don't worry about waking me up. I just it's the hum of the plane, right, it's the hum of the machine.

Speaker 1:

And then also Well and you're always high vibing and so when you have to sit still, you're automatically going to go to sleep because you're just relaxed.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, and that's something I've learned. I underwent 10 hours of testing to be diagnosed with ADHD and I also learned that, you know, it's hard for my mind to just ease down. That's why I go to bed so late, no matter how early I have to get up, and I don't need much sleep either to function Like most people. Don't know if I had a couple hours of sleep last night, you know, because that's just how my brain is wired asleep last night, you know, because that's just how my brain is wired. So, um, so yeah, and it's cold as well in there. So they push you into the tube. I have pictures of it on, like so, and when we get into my book I'll tell you more about that. But, um, you can see pictures from each chapter of my book, uh, on my website, but it's only accessible if you have the book and we're getting in it. But I have pictures to show people the, the two, and it's a tube, it't wide and I don't know how a really big person would be able to undergo hyperbaric oxygen, unless it's like one of those big machines where they could put several people in. I saw it on Grey's Anatomy. They do exist for hyperbaric, but I did that for four months. Four months, tanisha.

Speaker 2:

After four months my burn still did not heal. It was still there. So fast forward. Um, you know, I had already been meeting with a plastic surgeon for my reconstruction. I had to rethink the type of reconstruction because of my burn and um, and then I ended up, uh, and so all these things kept happening to me. It's like that's why the logo for God's Got Jokes is a jack in the box, the team. That was like one of the suggested covers of my book, and then when I had people vote on it, the people liked the cover that I actually thought of first, which is what it ended up being, but that jack in the box is really cool.

Speaker 2:

So, once I get back on get back on my feet, because I'm not working right now like I'm on the verge of eviction. I don't look like it, but, yes, I don't know if my cell phone is working. I just know I get text messages and that's it. I think I pay my cell phone bill, like things like that. I have no income. I'm not bragging, I'm saying that. One, I will never look like my situation. Um, which is a gift and a curse. And then, two know breast cancer is a gift that keeps on giving in all the ways. So, but yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I went to the plastic surgeon and was like okay, what are my options, since they were worried about the burn affecting my blood vessels in my sternum, in my chest. So she said you can do what's called deep flap. Deep flap reconstruction is free flap. Free flap means they're going to remove a part of your body and plop it on your boobs, basically, or tuck it in the skin. But since I had no skin on this side I had skin on this side though okay. So had skin on this, no skin they had to use my entire stomach. Thank God I've never had children. I have beautiful, smooth skin, I have to admit. Thank God, because this could. I mean it still looks weird, but the only reason. Okay, let me re-rewind.

Speaker 2:

When I was first diagnosed and I talked to my breast surgeon, I said can I have them both removed? And he was like whatever, you want, he didn't push back. Some people's breast surgeons push back and say, no, you want. He didn't push back. Some people's breast surgeons push back and say, no, you only can get a single mastectomy or a lumpectomy, which would just take the lump, they don't take your boot. And I said I don't want the stress of having of thinking about the cancer coming back. One, two, I don't want to potentially feed my baby's cancer milk from the other breast. And then three, which is my main reason, I'm gonna say it right, I wanted my boobs to look alike.

Speaker 2:

The joke was so on me. God is hilarious. This is not neosha, this is god laughing at me, because the whole reason I had a double mastectomy is for my boobs to look like. No, they don't look nothing alike. Now, absolutely not they're.

Speaker 2:

And and then just, uh, I have to like, set this up. They are from different parts of my body. So this, this side, uh, which is where the cancer was, this is my stomach, no problems. She plopped my stomach up there. It was a Hail Mary, by the way. She knows who's gonna work pl. Plot my stomach, sew together my blood vessels. The beauty, the most important thing about this type of reconstruction, is that your doctor, your plastic surgeon, is a certified microsurgeon. Most plastic surgeons are not microsurgeons, ok, they're cosmetic. Microsurgeons can sew together those small blood vessels, right. Microsurgeons can sew together those small blood vessels right. And then, on this side, what she did was she took my stomach muscle and tissue and tucked it inside of my breast tissue, my breast skin right. I'm in recovery for two hours. I wake up. I'm in pain when you wake up from surgery. Have you ever had surgery? Yes, I have multiple times.

Speaker 2:

When you wake up from surgery, you don't feel pain. You feel like achy and groggy and like by a bus is what they tell you. No, I felt specific pain. Come to find out this side, the non-cancer side. My body was rejecting it that's the joke. Like it wasn't even no cancer over there. My body was rejecting it. So they had to rush me back into the operating room to try to save it. Wow, she did not save it. So I woke up the next day in recovery with one boob. So I had one boob for three months and we went back to the drawing board to figure out what body part we can use to reconstruct this. Why do I keep saying body parts? Because a lot of body part we can use to reconstruct this. Why do I keep saying body parts? Because a lot of women think that you have to have implants.

Speaker 2:

The human body is a beautiful thing and the way technology and knowledge is evolving, they're able to use your body if you have enough fat tissue and skin right. So, thank God I was. I've always been a curvy girl and I had enough anywhere they wanted to take it from, really. So three months after, um, my uh, deep flap failure, which less than 1% of people and I literally had to find this statistic to cite it in my book, less than 1% have failed flaps, I'm the 1%, so they use my back. So for all athletes out there, you're probably familiar with this muscle.

Speaker 2:

It's called the latissimus dorsi muscle. The latissimus dorsi muscle is the muscle that is right at your bra line on your back. So right back here at the bra line is your latissimus muscle right. What they did was they took that muscle for the southern and for the black folks out there. They wrenched it around. You know what wrenched it around means right, they did not disconnect my blood vessels, they wrenched it around. So they swung the latissimus muscle over and put it in my breast skin right to form this boot and I had to have it reduced because it was a big old.

Speaker 2:

I was like I think my back wasn't that fat. There's no way. Yeah, it was at one point. So, um, and now you know I have no muscle back there. So that sucks because I row on, row crew on on a river with a cancer group, but I can't lift the boat because lifting over my head I have no muscle, so it could really hurt my back, you know, if I did that too much. So I can't help with the boat, but I help with the oars.

Speaker 2:

When I fly, I pre-board, and this is what a flight attendant told me. I should always pre-board because I don't want anyone to sit on my left side because I have lymph nodes removed from over there and I wouldn't want to elbow me or anything, um, because it could trigger lymphedema. So, thank God I've never had lymphedema, knock on wood and all the things, but, um, but I do have to be mindful, you know, of that side. But I also can't hoist my bag in the overhead compartment, so I have to have someone to help me every time. Uh, so, yeah, so, but they wrenched it around and when I do this I can feel it in my back.

Speaker 1:

I was gonna ask you can that muscle rebuild itself back there?

Speaker 2:

no, no, wow, muscles don't regenerate like that. The liver regenerates like that, but not the muscle. Nope, no muscle. Wow, there you can feel it's hard, it's like there's nothing there. All you feel is the back of my rib cage and you know some tissue and you know and uh, skin, but uh, and then on the other, of course, I have the latissimus muscle, because this is all my stomach, but, and there's a little hump in my lower back on one side, because that that muscle down there is overcompensating for the missing muscle above it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, you have a lot of knowledge, medical knowledge. You ever thought about going into the medical field?

Speaker 2:

no, because I am the medical field. Like I don't have to uh work would be the reason?

Speaker 2:

oh yeah, true, I'm an advocate. So I am a breast cancer advocate. I've been since um of 2021 or 2022. I did not want so. My first plastic surgeon who couldn't do the surgery because they were worried about my chest, you know, she said I love her to this day. She said I should be a breast navigator, which is like a patient navigator, right when I help breast cancer patients find resources and all this stuff. You know she's like you'll be so great at that and, honey, you can name your price. Price. The hospital will pay you so much money to do that and I said, yeah, but are they gonna pay for my therapy?

Speaker 1:

true, that is a very good point, yeah the minute I lose somebody, I'm a wreck that is a very good point.

Speaker 2:

It took me five years to even consider advocacy because I didn't want to be friends with people who were survivors or you know, in treatment, out of treatment, it didn't matter, but Tiger Lily as an educator, I love to learn. As you know, tiger Lily has a very unique training program that other breast cancer organizations don't have, breast cancer organizations don't have, and their training program teaches you everything there is to know about breast cancer all of the options and disparities and barriers and all these things that really can help not only survivors but those young people or women who have never been diagnosed as well. Right? So all of this stuff, it just I felt like it was time, you know, and when I started, when I first started being an angel advocate, almost immediately they were like we would love for you to be a lead and you know we're going to pick five women you know out of all of our advocates that we would like them to be leads and we'll pay you and all that. So I was an angel lead, paid for like two years, almost two years, and I love that work.

Speaker 2:

I got to go to conferences and represent the organization and tell my story and then, when my book was released, the founder of Tiger Lily. She got on me for never mentioning my book at anything and so she started doing it. And then, of our our national staff people started doing it and they were like no, neosha, say something about your book. So, uh, I that. So now tiger lily is a huge supporter of my book and if you look at my um instagram stories or on my instagram feed, you'll see some snippets from an episode of what's called breathe tv that tiger lily does, where the founder, mayma, and a survivor thriver will have a conversation about, you know, their journey and whatnot. So they have a few of those snippets about my story.

Speaker 2:

But I will say that that was the best decision I could have made, and there were other organizations I wanted to be involved with and I still am involved with, but I really was actually the first that I was actively involved with. I get a job in health care, you know, being being an advocate, being a trainer or something like that, and I can pay my bills with it. Yes, like I don't, I don't ever shy away, but in terms of I wouldn't want to be in the medical profession, you know, in terms of the science of it. Because, going back to that ministry thing, I know my ministry Science and math are not my ministry.

Speaker 2:

I wanted to be a doctor for like three years because of Doogie Howser and I realized that I excelled at every subject except science and math. And actually math was the worst subject for me. Science I could kind of work with a little bit, but uh, when math was crazy yeah.

Speaker 1:

So you have um. You've been a survivor for how many years now, Cause you're in complete remission?

Speaker 2:

Yes, Eight years, um, in addition to my two types of reconstruction surgery I've had, I've had five revisions. The latest revision was just July 11th. So I'm recovering now from a revision surgery. I mean, it was outpatient, but it's still surgery, you know like so, yeah, so the thing about the boobs is that it's possible for your body to absorb some fat and that's what it started to do, and I needed them formed, especially this side, because, again, it was just to cover the burn originally. So I had to have several versions of my, of my I can't read a little bit so you can see um, I could just. So I had to have several surgeries to even get it to have a look of a breast.

Speaker 2:

You know, I'll never have nipples. I'm team barbie, um, so I'll never have nipples and I don't want nipples. Some women want them. I'm like why you can wear like a see-through shirt now, and I do, I will, I don't mind and I love my scars. So I want to get tattoos over all my scars one day. But yeah, there's just. Yeah, I'm going to get so.

Speaker 1:

It's crazy. You just said that because I have a burn on my back. So I've been burned. I was four years old. I sat on the oven door. The entire oven fell over top of me a hot pile hamburger grease and it singed the whole left side of my body. So when you were talking about the bubbles on your burns and things like that, I know exactly what you were going through, because I went through it and I was just talking to my husband and he was looking at my burn, which is this crazy. I'll have to tell you this in a little bit. He was looking at my burn and he said you know, the burn in your back looks like the tree of life. Maybe you should get that tattooed on there.

Speaker 2:

And I'm like come on, come on, husband See, that's why I want one. But yeah, that's a word, oh, wow. Well, when you get it, you have to send me pictures.

Speaker 1:

Well, I'm gonna do some research on it, cause I'm still kind of iffy about the idea, but I think it's awesome that you said that, because I have seen where other people have gotten their scars or burns tattooed on and it's amazing. It really is.

Speaker 2:

I don't want to wear a bikini top. So this is Every time I say it I laugh a little because I know it sounds crazy and whatnot, but you will not know that these are. You probably would think I'm trans or something and I don't have nipples or something because I want my tattoo to cover my entire boob literally and um, and I also have a stomach scar and I can't show you that because I have to wear compression garments from the surgery I just had um.

Speaker 2:

So that's why when I, when I raised up my shirt, this black part, this is my compression, and then, like these are my hormones, so um, but yeah, so I have to wear compression garment, but uh, but yeah.

Speaker 2:

so I have a stomach scar from hip to hip. Um, they had to reconstruct my belly button. I have a scar across my back on one side, like you know from the the surgery. Uh, so I'm gonna get tattoo of everything eventually. I already know I'm gonna be 60 years old still getting tattoos, and uh, but everybody tells the story. Yeah, and the thing about the bikini top thing is because I don't have much feeling in my breasts, like really none. Let me be clear I can't feel temperature, I can feel some pressures, I can feel some touches, but not really OK, yeah, so if my bikini comes undone or starts to rise because I ain't tight enough in the back, you know.

Speaker 1:

I don't feel it.

Speaker 2:

So my friends one time were like, uh, like.

Speaker 1:

I was like yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I was like oh, somebody's hot, it's tighter Cause it tied it for me. They didn't realize that I can't feel how tight it is anyway, so tight as you can, especially on this side. So, uh, so they didn't tie it tight enough and that's why it kept coming up. So I was like I don't even want to wear a bikini top, if I can help it, you know what I mean. Like I'm going to get some bottoms and then get tattoos over my boobs. So that's my hope that I'll get the tattoos over my boobs.

Speaker 1:

It's like the body paint. I saw a girl. We were at a bike fest one time and I was going with my friends to go hang out and we were walking into this place and this girl, literally she had body paint all over her top. It looked like she had a tank top on, but it wasn't a tank top. Yeah, you clearly can see where her breasts were laying, but it was done tastefully. I was like, wow, you know, that's interesting.

Speaker 2:

And how freeing did she feel not to have to wear a shirt, you know, yeah, exactly, um, and that's really how I want to be, but only you know, for like pools and beaches and whatnot not, I would. I don't think I would just walk around in public without anything, but when I was how cool would that be?

Speaker 1:

that would be really cool. You wouldn't have to worry about you know anything coming up, going down. You know you can just no headlight.

Speaker 2:

That's the thing too. I don't have a headlight. You know what I mean. Like I tell people all the time for all these people that want tattoos for their nipples. That's psychological and I don't. I'm not judging when we talked about the judging thing. I'm not judging, but I just don't understand. I feel like you can do so many other amazing things things, that part, and you know, even in dating I, I will say, and they don't know this, but men, really, can make or break a woman's self-esteem after breast cancer.

Speaker 2:

Yep, and I've been grateful to have been with a couple men. Since, you know, all of the things came back, like my sex drive that came back and and all this stuff, my self-esteem and all that. But I've never had anyone that I've actually dated treat me like I'm gross or, oh my God, these scars. Men don't care, they work with whatever you got and they make it work. So that am that. That was something that I kind of you know was concerned about, to be honest.

Speaker 2:

And that was a big reason why I wanted reconstruction, because you know, I was 36 when I was diagnosed never married, no children. You know I'm like how am I going to date with no boobs? Like that's weird, you know. So at least I have something. And I always tell them you know the guy, whoever I'm with at the time, like you can do whatever you want with him. I can't feel him. And I dated this guy back in 2021. It's like still during the pandemic and stuff, and we would stay over at each other's houses and we dated for like five months and and he didn't believe that I can't feel anything in my boobs. And he used to keep his bottled water on his balcony and it was wintertime and he laid a bottle on my breast while I was asleep.

Speaker 1:

And you didn't even flinch.

Speaker 2:

No, and what I felt was the condensation that ran down to my stomach, where I can't have. I do have feeling. So I woke up and I was like what is that? And he was like you really didn't feel that. I'm like what is that? And he was like you really didn't feel that. I'm like feel what? The water on my stomach? Yeah, I felt it. And he was like no, I laid this water bottle on your booze and it had laid there for a long time and you didn't move. And I was like, yeah, because I can't feel anything in my booze. Why would you? He's like, I just thought you would have felt it. No, I don't feel anything. Wow, that was really funny. We laughed about it, uh, but yeah, but I tell them, whatever you know, it's all for you, it ain't? I don't get no pleasure out of it or anything. I get pleasure out of you being pleasured by touching them if you want it that's it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think they're just fascinated by something different, you know?

Speaker 2:

oh, yeah, I had one guy that I don't. We didn't even sleep together, but he was just curious. He was like, can I just see? I'm like, sure, and that's the thing too.

Speaker 2:

Most breast cancer survivors are not shy because we've had so many people I mean everybody's already seen it all anyways, exactly, you know, but I'm not a shy person, um, and and if I am shy, you won't know I'm shy, right, so I like that. It'd be like I'm covering it up, you know that defense mechanism by being extra about it. But but yeah, even when I had clearance because you know I had clearance for four months before I had the- double mastectomy.

Speaker 1:

Explain who clearance is, because, yes, I know who clearance is OK.

Speaker 2:

So clearance is my tumor, was my tumor? So how I came up with the name? I name everything. That's something that I'll say, like my latest clip from Tiger Lily is like name a thing, right, it's okay to name a thing. So I named Clarence Clarence because I had two weeks between when I found him and when I went to have my mammogram and ultrasound. So during that time I'm touching him thinking he'll go away. So it made me think about that annoying kid in school named Clarence.

Speaker 2:

Go away Clarence. Oh, clarence is annoying, so that's really how I came up with the name, but Clarence is officially Black History.

Speaker 1:

Ah that's what I was about to say you told me that when we were talking and I would just you had me right there. I was laughing. She told me Clarence was Black history.

Speaker 2:

He's officially Black history? Yes, he is, and I'm glad that I have that outlook and I do things like that because it helps people relate to it. So throughout my book I try to make references and analogies that are relatable, like every day, like I call my burn Vin Diesel because it was Fast and Furious right, and I let them know that Vin was not playing okay, so I had to keep up with it. You know, and I do that because people can relate to that, and as I went through the stages of my burn and how it looked, I related it to food.

Speaker 1:

Yep.

Speaker 2:

So people will know. And even if you don't, even if you've never heard of a pickle loaf, you can Google it. My grandmother loved pickle loaf. Yuck, but that's what my burn looked like at one point you know.

Speaker 1:

So things like that. Okay, so we have just a few more minutes because we can't go over an hour, otherwise it won't let me upload it, so I want you to tell my first of all thank you so much for sharing your story and just your outlook on it. Those who have had dealt with some of the things that you've dealt with, I think it's going to help them with their outlook. So thank you so much for sharing that. Now your book gives an in-depth look of your entire journey. What is the full name of your book? And tell us how long it's been out and you know what your mindset is about writing it and where you expect it to be for the future. Okay.

Speaker 2:

So my my child cause I've birthed this myself. God's got jokes how I use my faith and God's humor to survive breast cancer. And so it was released black history month 2022. And it's the cover, the colors I don't like the color pink. That's another joke from god. He know I don't like pink, but now I think I would get pink differently.

Speaker 2:

Uh, my sorority, our colors, are crimson and cream, which can be substituted for red and white. The other sorority is pink. So that's what's even more funny is like I have to wear all this pink and now all these girls think I'm in this world like, uh, I'm not.

Speaker 2:

But one of my favorite colors is purple, so I had them. You know, make sure to put as much purple in here as possible. Please do not order my book from Jeff Bezos. He has enough money. Okay, order directly from me, please. I really appreciate it. Also, if you order my book from Amazon, I won't be able to sign it, I won't be able to emboss it and you get a little gift from me.

Speaker 2:

So it's not just a book you're getting, you're getting a connection, you're becoming a part of my author village. And then the coolest thing about my book, in my opinion, is that every chapter has its own QR code and at the end of the chapter, you scan the QR code and you can listen to music and see pictures from that chapter. So I used to always tell people how my gospel playlist and Imagine Dragons album Evolve got me through ICU when I had the complication from my deep flap failing. And I was in ICU the week of the Winter Olympics in 2018, a whole week, ok. And yeah, I listened, I watched the Olympics and I listened to Imagine Dragons and my gospel playlist on my iPod. So, having having said all that, please order my book directly from me on my website. You can follow me on all the socials and I know that Tanisha put all that up. But yeah, I will tell you that I will sign it, I will emboss it and you get a little gift.

Speaker 1:

God's want to emboss it and you get a little gift. I love that you do that and, yes, I'm going to put all her information in the description. So if you guys go to the description, you'll get her website. You have access to her book. Don't order it on Amazon. We're not going to give you no Amazon link to get it. You're going to get it directly from her because you do want it autographed, you do want that embosser and that way you it came from her. If it's embossed, it's from her. If it's not embossed, you didn't get it from her. So thank you so much. I absolutely love your spirit. You are an incredible woman and I just look forward to hearing more of your story. You know, later on we'll have you back on in a couple months and you know you're just an amazing woman.

Speaker 2:

Thank you when I would like my book to go, and that's the last part I forgot to answer, because you did ask me that I mean my book. I did record an audio book and I'm not saying don't buy the audio book, but I can't sell it to you. So if you want to, you can. And I don't like my recording much, but I know people who are going through chemo, the audio book will bless their spirit. So if you can give someone an audio book, great. I think that it's a great companion to the book, though personally, because you can't get the QR codes in an audio book. But also one last thing I would love to release, re-release, my book in hardback and I would love for Robin Roberts from Good. I would like my book to be available to any survivor caregiver who really just wants some sort of a different perspective or a different outlook on their situation. You know, so it's kind of like that catharsis I got from Grey's Anatomy. I really think that someone reading my book while in the chemo chair would take their minds off of what they're going through and they'd be like laughing at all the crazy stuff I went through.

Speaker 2:

So I was homeless, like my landlord of nine years put me out and that's the one part of the story I left out because I typically share that all the time I had a little bit of PTSD from that, you know. So I went through homelessness. You know insecurity about. You know why I'm paying my bills, you know, just driving myself to chemo and then my father passed away a month after my mastectomy. I'm so, I was so mad at him.

Speaker 2:

And then my friend only friend that took me in when I was homeless died on my birthday in 2018. So I just got out of the hospital and he died on my birthday a week later. And yeah, so I was. You know I had to be wheeled onto the plane to go to his funeral in another state and I wasn't supposed to be flying but I did because he was my friend, he was like my brother.

Speaker 2:

And then I lost, you know, two more friends in two months right after he died, and these are people who drove me to chemo or gave me a ride every now and then, or gave me money or prayed with me. So I say that you know, were it not for my church family, my sorority, sisters, some friends, you know I don't know what I would have done because my family, they don't have the means to come here and I had nowhere to stay if I went there. So to God be the glory. So I'm so glad that I was able to get through all of that with the support, all the angels, that God sent me.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. You are a definite fighter, a survivor and a powerful Victorian. Thank you, Thank you so much for joining us. Listeners, go ahead and go to descriptions, get the information and we'll talk to you again soon, God bless.