Healthy Mindset Miracles

Ep.016 - Mary Kilcullen: From Latchkey Kid to Empowered Entrepreneur Through Faith and Resilience

• Healthy Mindset Miracles • Season 1 • Episode 16

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Can you imagine steering through your teenage years without a guiding hand? Join us on "Healthy Mindset Miracles" as we sit down with the resilient Mary Kilcullen, who shares her evocative story of growing up as a latchkey kid in a fatherless home. Her candid recounting of navigating life with a constantly working mother offers profound insights into the rebellious paths she took and the hard lessons she gleaned while essentially raising herself. Mary's story is a powerful reminder of the importance of understanding one's past to truly appreciate the journey of personal growth and resilience.

Navigating the tumultuous waters of young motherhood, Mary and I reflect on our shared experiences of having children at 16 and the struggles. We explore how our relationships with our mothers influenced our parenting, leading to emotional complexities that shaped our paths. This heartfelt conversation underscores the necessity of forgiveness, moving forward for the sake of our children, and finding inner strength in the face of adversity. We also discuss how the lack of open communication and understanding during our formative years could have altered our trajectories in significant ways.

The episode takes a transformative turn as we delve into the themes of addiction, toxic relationships, and the road to recovery. Mary reveals her journey from a life overshadowed by alcohol and harmful partners to one of sobriety and self-discovery. The narrative is enriched with personal anecdotes that highlight the importance of spiritual guidance, recognizing trauma bonds, and the unending process of healing and growth. As we explore Mary's entrepreneurial venture, "All the Above," her dedication to helping others and the power of making positive choices shine through. Tune in for a compelling episode filled with lessons on faith, inner strength, and personal liberation.

Thank you for tuning in to this empowering episode of Healthy Mindset Miracles." We hope you found inspiration and insight into the journey of redefining your mindset.

If you have any questions or would like to share your own experiences, please visit our website:
www.healthymindsetmiracles.com

We welcome your stories and inquiries. If you are interested in being a guest send us a message under contact us in the website.

Stay tuned for more episodes where we continue to explore the path to healing and well-being. Until we meet again, may you discover a healthy mindset in your life. 🌟

Don't forget to like, share, comment and subscribe on our Facebook and YouTube channel.


Speaker 1:

Welcome to Healthy Mindset Miracles. I have a very good friend of mine that I have known for a very long time, mary Kilcullen, and she has an incredible story of resilience and testimony to share. And, mary, thank you so much for being willing to do this podcast episode with me. I am so excited to have you here.

Speaker 2:

I know I'm so excited. I'm glad to be here. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. One of the things that's really exciting to me is that you have an incredible story that you wanted to tell, and that story starts off when you were a teenager. You were having some challenges, so tell my listeners a little bit about your background. From the time that you were a teenager, things transpired to the amazing story that you have today.

Speaker 2:

Okay, well, it probably all started when I was 13. I never met my dad and my mom had to raise three by herself, so my mom was always constantly at work and being around my peers, and just the decisions that I was making were completely, basically, on my own thinking. I really didn't have the guidance that most people have when they have both parents, or even just one. That doesn't work as much as my mom did. So I was a latchkey kid, so I made a lot of mistakes growing up, and so I think that's why I have such a great story that I can tell today and that I am who I am today because of the choices that I made. I had to learn the hard way, just put it that way.

Speaker 1:

This day and age, there's many people who do not understand what a latchkey kid is. Can you explain what that is in your terms?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, in my terms terms, it's basically when you're basically raising yourself because you have no other choice, right, my mom didn't have another choice, you know, and sometimes my grandma wasn't available to keep us and I got to the point where I was so darn rebellious that I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, you know, and then when my mom was home trying to tell me what to do, I didn't think that she had any right. You know, we didn't get along at all, my mom and I. Unfortunately, I carry that guilt with me today, but she passed away when she was 48. And I was very, very young, so, not knowing my father, I was kind of like okay, and then of course, I got custody of my little brother and it just kind of went on and on and I was very young, doing very adult things from a very young age. I mean, I had three children with the same man before I mean at 20 years old. So I did everything backwards, I think.

Speaker 1:

So, as a latchkey kid, when you were taking care of yourself, so you were making sure you went to school, and when you got home from school, there was no parental guidance there because your mom was working all the time. It was just you and your siblings at home. So, like you said, when she came home you were like, well, you're never here to tell me what to do, so why do you think you can tell me what to do now? Is that the mindset that you had?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, was that the mindset that you had? Yeah, and to be honest with you, I didn't really see it like that until I got older, that it was a subconscious thing. I think that you're just put in these situations growing up and unfortunately these days that's what happens and every action has a reaction. So at a young age, when you don't know what we know now, you kind of react and you act out in a way that you think you're grown. But when you get older and you do look back on that, you're like, oh, now I see why I acted the way I did and it all flows together. You know, and that's how we change and evolve, and just by the more experiences that we experience in life, I think that is absolutely true.

Speaker 1:

Did you finish high school at all? How?

Speaker 2:

old were you when you?

Speaker 1:

had your first child.

Speaker 2:

I was 16, almost 17. I had him in February, Valentine's Day of 94. And I was turning 17 in April. So yeah, so I was right at the end of my 16.

Speaker 1:

I was the same age. I was actually 16 years old when I got pregnant with my first daughter, and I was 17 when I had her. I was 19 when I had my second daughter, so I can totally relate to you.

Speaker 2:

I remember this we talked about this, I remember because I was 19 when I had my second one yeah, same scenarios I had.

Speaker 2:

My mom was there right right, my mom was there as well for my first two, but I didn't really let her engage, kind of. I mean, I was very just like. Until this day I still don't know why I acted the way I did towards her. I don't know if I had resentment because my dad was not around. She was six months pregnant when he left, who I recently found not too long ago. I kind of feel better now that I'm an adult, that I at least have one parent. I was always the parent.

Speaker 1:

How old were you when you had your third child?

Speaker 2:

I was 20.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

They made she was when she had Bria, so that's kind of cool.

Speaker 1:

Did you have it in your mind that you wanted to like stay in that relationship with their father because of the fact that you wanted your children to have both parents? Because you did not.

Speaker 2:

Well, you know my story gets a little deep when it comes to that. When I had Tyler, he was about a year old. I had to basically give him up to adoption to my best friend's family because Jason was not being the father he needed to be, which you can't blame him, I mean, gosh, he was only 17. I left high school and went into a Christian maternity home and finished school there. I didn't want to go back to high school because I was very embarrassed, I guess you could say. I didn't believe in abortion. And then Mandy came. I was still having my female things and taking birth control and she was very unexpected. I found out when I was five months pregnant with her.

Speaker 2:

So, and I was actually in the process of moving down South where I met you at through all of that and there was just a lot of like really bad things that had happened because I was so gullible that people took advantage of me with my children, and you know that was something really hard for me to swallow when it came to trying to forgive. And then that's at the point where I learned what true forgiveness was, and it wasn't for them, it was for me. So I didn't carry that resentment anymore and God was able to help me to just step back and let the situation be for my children and it was probably one of the hardest things I ever did other than losing my mom. But I wanted them to be okay and I wanted them all to know each other, which they do. They're all close, you know, until this day, and I have a relationship with my two daughters. My son not quite yet, but I think he'll come around with God's will.

Speaker 1:

So you're this absolute gorgeous girl, and I understand completely like people taking advantage. Well, one. You have such a huge, kind, amazing heart. So it's easy for somebody who has empath, a huge heart, to get manipulated and in a lot of ways, you feel like you were manipulated by many people in your life, but you were able to get out of those situations. Now, how were you able to get out of them?

Speaker 2:

I don't know. Sometimes I just don't know. I just kind of just kept going forward. Now that I look back my best friend she was supposed to be my best friend they saw an opportunity for Antonia to have a child because she wasn't able to have kids. I didn't see it like that back then. I trusted them and they did not fulfill their promise with Tyler and then with Mandy.

Speaker 2:

Of course there was a lot of manipulations, but Jason and I were doing things as young adults and not knowing that I was pregnant. I was smoking marijuana. We'll just say it okay, I was smoking marijuana and his mom knew it. And when we found out that I was five months pregnant, she said you cannot take Mandy with you down south because you don't have a pot to piss in. Basically, she put me in this place for one day that teenagers that do drugs and made me feel like a total piece of crap. My mom came and got me the next day and got me out of there, of course, because I didn't belong there. She just used that to be able to manipulate me into having Mandy.

Speaker 2:

So we know, we all know that now the truth has came out. Obviously, the truth always prevails itself and unfortunately she had to find out at a little bit of an older age, because I didn't mention any of this to anybody. You know what I mean. Like we just kind of moved forward and I did what I thought was best for my children and it ultimately ended up being the best thing for everybody. Now that I look back, but at that moment it was really, really hard. It was very, it was very, very difficult.

Speaker 1:

Well, it takes a toll on you psychologically too, because here you are trying to hold yourself together and try to protect your children, but in the long run you're hurting deep down inside because there's so many people taking advantage of you and just manipulation and all the challenges. Plus, yeah, you were making some not favorable decisions, but nobody was giving you any positive lifting or try to guide you in a positive direction. They were just putting you down for the choices that you were making instead of helping you.

Speaker 1:

I was just talking to a mother and a teenage girl. She's 16. And this teenage girl was doing some not so favorable things, getting around not so favorable people, and I realized that the issue wasn't this teenager's behavior, it was how her mother was communicating with her.

Speaker 2:

And.

Speaker 1:

I had a talk with her mother and her and I was like, look, if you guys want better choices, we need to start being better to one another and have better communication. Like the mother can't keep telling this child well, your room's a disaster. You always make it a disaster. What is wrong?

Speaker 2:

Why can't you?

Speaker 1:

just clean up your room Instead of going hey, is everything okay with you? I know that you don't want your environment to look like this. Do you need some help cleaning up? If you don't, maybe we can talk about some things that are bothering you to kind of help you and it's all in a mindset and I don't believe that you or I actually ever had that in our lives.

Speaker 2:

Right, I know that I didn't. My mom would be like what's wrong with you? And I felt like I was always in trouble and all I wanted to do was surf and smoke pot. I was like that's not bad, right, you know what I mean. And I just really just wasn't doing anything wrong. I didn't feel like I was, you know. But you know what it haunted me, you know, when she passed away. At such an early age, when we're young, we don't appreciate what we have. We don't understand that you have one mom and you have one father. And people are like how can you be so forgiving to your father right now, like you act, like you guys had never skipped a beat? I said because you know I have today. That's it. You know, what has happened in the past is what happens in your past, and the way that I react to what's happening in my life is everything. It ultimately depends on the outcome of every situation you can choose.

Speaker 1:

That is so, so right. Something you just said how can you forgive him after everything he's done? And you just said well, all I have is today. What you choose to do today is going to reflect your future, and do you want your future to look like your past, with resentment and regret, or do you want your future to be healed and moving forward and have a relationship that you've always desired to have? Like that's a choice you got? Two roads to take. Which one are you going to take?

Speaker 2:

You're only one choice away from a whole different direction, and I learned that in 2017. Anything before 2017, other than my children, I could stand to lose.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

My whole life changed in 2017. And ever since then, since I saw that that one choice put me in the direction that I've always wanted to be in. I'm a little bit of a late bloomer, but that's okay. At least I bloomed, right. At least I bloomed. That's all that matters. And I'm still alive and healthy and happy and go lucky and whatever. But yes, I, up till that point, I could stand to lose, but I didn't want to go back. You know what I mean. Like I was feeling so good about myself and I was so confident I had some slip ups from drinking. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

But ultimately, when I yelled at God that night, when I left my toxic relationship, I yelled at God and I said, if you're some miracle, this that I mean literally I was screaming at him. I was why is my mom dead? Why am I drunk? You know, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, the next day I woke up and people would ask me to go drinking. Where's my drinking buddy? And I'm like, I just never wanted it. Up until this day, I still don't want it. And my daughter calls me six months later. What happened to you mom? Like, what did you do? You didn't go to counseling. You didn't go to treatment. Like what did you do? And I'm like. The only answer I have is my higher power, who I choose to call God. I have no other answer for.

Speaker 1:

So you're telling me. What I'm hearing is you had challenges with drinking and behavioral challenges to where it led you up to a moment where you had a breaking point.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I didn't know what to do. I don't even know who got me out of that apartment at three in the morning. I know Chrissy came and get me One of my best friends. Chrissy came from Orlando. She said something, just came over her and told her to come get me. Usually she'll be like we'll talk about it in the morning. Okay, you're not going to leave them.

Speaker 2:

You know how that goes. I mean, you drive three hours at three o'clock in the morning. Something had to come over her to know that that was. It was time, and it was three in the morning. I'm packing my stuff, I'm out of there and when I look back at it it's just all like a big, a big I don't know like. I know now he was carrying me, but I wasn't carrying me. It's pretty powerful.

Speaker 1:

You said you were out of there, so were you leaving that toxic relationship at that moment? You just woke up that morning and decided I'm done with this girl. That is almost the same thing that happened to me.

Speaker 2:

Well, there was a little bit of a conversation between him and I and I kind of used that as the excuse to get out. I didn't even know, I wasn't even planning on leaving. It's so powerful that I can't even explain it, because now that I look back at it it gives me goosebumps. It almost brings tears to my eyes that because I was praying for about six months up to that point, telling God I'm having a tug of war with who I know I am and who I'm being, I mean I don't want to drink anymore. You know this is, this is taking control of my life. I mean, literally I was going to die if I did not leave. I was trying to keep up with him, you know, I guess, and I did. I was not leaving him by any means. I was not leaving him. And God's like if you leave and jump into your fear.

Speaker 1:

I'll take care of the rest. In my case it was a toxic relationship where my ex was an alcoholic addicted to Adderall, and it was eight years of peer being broken down into literally nothing. And I remember the last month of that relationship like I didn't want to leave either. I thought I could fix him. Isn't that crazy how us women, like we, think we can fix them. And so I thought I could fix him, and no matter how hard I tried, I ended up acting out in ways that are insane. And I started looking at myself, going this is not me, I don't act like this, like I don't know why I'm losing control of myself, and I found myself in the closet like praying and crying as hard as I could cry until that next morning I woke up and I'm like I'm done.

Speaker 2:

I can't. It's horrible, though it's really horrible to have to go through that and then to recover from losing them, and then it's like back and forth, back and forth, because you just have this, you feel like you have this soul connection, but it's. It could be a soul tie, but I mean, I think it's more of a trauma bond, you know, because it's so toxic you get addicted to it. It was almost like I was well coming off.

Speaker 2:

Alcohol was not hard for me as, thank God, I just woke up the next day and didn't want it. I guess I didn't know, I didn't want it. But you know, god made it easy for me because I jumped into my fear and that man, I'll tell you, had my heart for 10 years and I just wanted him to be sober, you know, because I ended up getting sober, you know what I mean and he just couldn't until this day. I think he's still not, unfortunately. So I pray for him from a distance. I want the best for him. I want the best for everybody that once was in my life Once. I care about you. I'll always care about you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

But you know we act out. I was doing, I was like I feel insane, like it got to the point where, okay, it's not him anymore. It's me Like why am I putting up with this? Like what's wrong with me? And I found out a lot more about myself than I thought I already knew here just not too long ago, in September. So you know it's, we're constantly learning. I'm just glad I have the tools and the knowledge a little bit.

Speaker 1:

So when you made that decision to leave, where did you go? What did you do? What was the first place that you went to? I went back to.

Speaker 2:

Chrissy's, and she had me out in this garden picking cucumbers and watermelons, sweating my ass off, eating squash for breakfast, lunch and dinner, detoxing at her house for a month and that's not exaggerating, oh my goodness. We laugh at it today and I said are we really going to eat zucchini in the morning and in lunch and dinner? And she's just like yep. And you know she was dealing with her demons too. You know she lost her whole family at one time, one time, her whole entire family and her three kids and her husband gone. And that's something that I just don't know how I have so much respect for her and so much love for her that you know it's just crazy.

Speaker 2:

And she, she's the one that saved me from that relationship but it might have saved each other yeah, yeah, but I had some friends of Billy's brother was friends with these people and that's what I did. I changed my people, places and things and I moved to Palm Coast, loved Palm Coast. I really, really miss it there. I recovered there. You know I am a detoxed at Christie's and recover, started recovering at Nikki and Todd's and that's where I had my conversation with God. I don't know if he was talking back, I don't think he was. I think he was just kind of letting me. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And you know, I don't know, I had that music playing. Surrender started playing and I guess I wanted to cry some words I didn't repeat and that was it, and that was where my journey started. I'm going to tell you.

Speaker 1:

There is definitely some very strong truth in that saying that you are the sum of the five people that you hang around the most.

Speaker 2:

Yes, you are who you hang out with.

Speaker 1:

So you just said I changed my people, places and surroundings, not on purpose. Do it say that again?

Speaker 2:

Not on purpose. It was just the way that the opportunities landed for me.

Speaker 1:

So God was steering, but you were just going along with it.

Speaker 2:

Because he made me. He's a miracle God. I'm telling you he's real and he's there. And if you don't believe him, if anybody's listening and you don't call your higher power God, that's okay. But there is something way more powerful than us that will listen to you and guide you. I've got goosebumps all over my body right now.

Speaker 2:

There's a spirit within you If you would have seen me before that day. If you would have seen me. I was shaken. I had to drink in the morning. Carly wasn't talking to me. My life was just. I did not know what was going to happen, what I was going to do. I didn't even know what I was doing. So somebody more powerful than me was picking me up and taking me in a direction, because the next day I got up I was hungover. Anyway, I had to go get a job. I found a job that day, overnight, you know. So all the blessings that I've had in my life up until today as we speak, have stemmed from mistakes and experiences, and it has not been easy, but God never said it was going to be easy.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, and you've got to use those experiences in your life good, bad, ugly, no matter what and turn them into a purpose.

Speaker 2:

Yes, you have to. Yeah, absolutely, and there's always a positive and a negative, you know, I mean the positive of all the negative I went through is that I am who I am today and I'm so grateful for that mindset that I have. It's all in your mindset. It's all in your mindset 100%.

Speaker 1:

So when you went to Palm Coast, and what kind of people did you get surrounded by?

Speaker 2:

Well, I got surrounded by, you know, not many people. I really didn't know too many people there because I was starting to meet people and starting to build friendships. Nikki was a little off the charts but you know Todd, who was her husband, who was really good friends with Sean who was Billy's brother. That's how I met these people and Todd worked real hard but Nikki got to stay home. Nikki fell out of a vehicle when she was 18. So she was kind of disabled a little bit and Todd always had to take off for work until I got there so I was able to help him with her. We became very, very close but she became very abusive so I ended up having to leave there.

Speaker 2:

And one of the ladies that I had met there had an older friend. He was like 80. And this is where me taking care of elderly all began. They love me, but they're trying sometimes and I have to put myself in their shoes Like how am I going to feel when I turn 77 or 80? I'm not going to be happy, you know Right, I think I will be, but some people just don't want to get old when they're just grumpy and all that. But anyways, he needed some company and so my friend introduced me to him. He wanted a roommate and somebody there. So I moved in and he was a blessing in disguise and it just kind of went on from there. I wanted to go back to Jacksonville and so Trista Sturgill who's a good friend of mine, one of my other really good friends she actually had a client of hers that needed somebody to take care of their elderly father and it was a live-in situation, so that got me back to Jacksonville. I was just like this is just amazing. You know how everything just falls into place.

Speaker 1:

So you were able to take care of the elderly for a while, and then you ended up in Georgia. Now, right.

Speaker 2:

No, I'm in Bluffton, South Carolina. I'm basically in Georgia. I'm about 15 miles from Savannah.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I knew it was somewhere up there near that area, and so how you ended up where you're at now is a huge blessing Gosh, I don't even know.

Speaker 2:

I mean, somebody was carrying me then too, you know, yeah, exactly, I had a cafe in St Augustine and I was renting out a friend of mine's home in Las Colinas, out there and living the dream, you know, I had my cafe and I was starting to really just implement everything and then, of course, he closed. You know, what's funny is, about six months before that, my daughter I'm starting to think that God works through Carly quite a bit, even through little things, because about five years she was begging me to move up there and I had to get honest with myself about why I was really staying in Florida and she knew, but oh no, that's not it, that's not it. Ultimately, it was when I was living my dream, yeah, but at the same sense I didn't want to leave Florida because of that relationship. You know what I mean, that kind of Florida. Because of that relationship. You know what I mean, that kind of just on long, tight, you know, for the longest time after I left, and so, anyways.

Speaker 2:

So I ended up having to move out of the home because he had to move back in it, and it just was a huge, huge disappointment and I said, well, I guess I'm going to South Carolina Because, you know, uncle Joe found out I was living in a hotel which is the first time in my life and he offered me a room up here to start my life over. And I got up here and I walked into another caregiving situation and I had no idea that God was going to bring me into this, but he needed me just as much as I needed him and I've been up here about three years now and, yeah, I lived in fear. I mean so much has happened since I've been up here, you know. I mean it's like God does it ever end, you know.

Speaker 1:

Where are you at now with your life?

Speaker 2:

Where I'm at now is Joe. Unfortunately he passed away. In December I was here with a girlfriend of mine. Thank God she was here, the only friend I really have up here. Her name is Bonnie and she was a blessing in disguise. She was probably one of the best things that had ever helped me through finally separating from this toxic cycle, and I am completely done.

Speaker 2:

September he was completely out of my life, but then my healing had to start and boy was it a hard three months, but I did what I was supposed to do. Bonnie, thank God, understood me. She told me how it was. She didn't sugarcoat anything, because you know how we can sometimes take what they say and oh, they'll be back.

Speaker 2:

And I'm thinking why am I even saying that after everything we've been through and come to find out, you know, a narcissistic, abusive relationship, an emotional, abusive relationship, is is is a hard recovery and I started to get very nervous over my mental health, to be honest with you, because of the way that he did it. It was very cruel, very cruel, like I was just nothing, like I was nothing. So I got into therapy. I found out I have an abandonment attachment style, anxious attachment style, that I needed to change my way of thinking. You know, when I didn't know what I was thinking at that point I was just very, very devastated. So I became very introverted through all of it. I didn't want to be around anybody, I just kind of healed myself. You know, joe was here and he would talk to me, but he didn't understand either. Everybody was just like why do you cry over somebody who's treated you this way? And I just never wanted to talk about it because nobody understood. And you can't understand anybody unless you've been through it. That's my opinion. That's my opinion you can always care for somebody, but don't tell me you understand if you haven't felt that. So I kind of dealt with it on my own. And here I am today, since September, I think.

Speaker 2:

It was like I was really hurting and I said, god, I am done with this hurting, like this hurts. And I said you don't want me hurting. And something told me that he was telling me yeah, but I'm going to make you hurt this bad because you're not going back. Like I need to make sure that you're not going back. And he knew, because when I started feeling like I was never going back, I asked him to just take the pain away. And if this was his will for me to hurt like this, then fine, but don't make it last long.

Speaker 2:

It was hard to function and Bonnie's like you didn't cry today and I'm like nope. It was hard to function and Bonnie's like you didn't cry today and I'm like nope, and I don't ever want to go back to anything like that again. And that situation made me even smarter than I actually thought I was already. And it's crazy when you start really realizing how people are and it's really sad how most people are these days and I'd rather be by myself. Finally, for the first time in my life, I'm okay being by myself, and I'd rather be by myself. Finally, for the first time in my life, I'm okay being by myself, and I truly know what loving myself is. It's an internal feeling that most because for the longest time, I didn't know what it meant. Did you, were you ever confused about loving who you were?

Speaker 1:

that person and even after we had separated I kept seeing him at stores and various different places and he'd be like hey you look really good and I really miss you that kind of stuff. And then I'd be like dang, was I stupid, you know what did I do? And then I'm like no, I'm not stupid, because then I start remembering, like all this other right other stuff that he used to say to me and then. I'm like I can't allow him to have that control over me anymore.

Speaker 1:

I'm the one that gets to choose what kind of control I have over me exactly, yeah so it took me a long time. I even went through periods of time of thoughts of suicide, because I just couldn't handle it.

Speaker 2:

And.

Speaker 1:

I had to overcome those thoughts as well and realize that I am worth it and I do have self-esteem. And he took all of that from me and a lot of people are like well, somebody can't take that from you unless you decide. Well, it's not that he actually took it from me, but he actually made me believe because your belief system is very strong. He made me believe the words that he said to me were true, gaslighting is what it's called it took me a long time to change my belief system.

Speaker 2:

You have to get to a point like I'll speak for myself. You almost have to get to a point if you find yourself for myself. You almost have to get to a point. If you find yourself, it could be a mom, it could be a dad, it could be a boyfriend, it could be a brother, it could be a friend, a worker, it could be anybody that could be toxic for you. You have to understand that when you treat somebody well and they don't treat you well, back that it's not you. Well back that it's not you.

Speaker 2:

You know, when somebody can be so cruel and so manipulative, to where the point that we, as women or men you know there's women out there that do it too it's on both sides of the spectrum, I believe. To do that to somebody and some of the stuff that they do, I think, is a subconscious thing, which is something that comes from childhood or whatever. But we have to look at ourselves to find out why we attracted somebody that way and why we thought it was okay. What I had to do was manifest my future when I decided, okay, I'm done with this, because I know that I'm better than this. I know I am because of the facts that lay in front of me from that relationship and from the things I did just from the things I did and who I knew I was as a person at this point in my life, I wasn't going to tolerate any of that regardless. So I had to manifest that I did not feel for him and I did not love him. I own that. You know what I mean and I am going to move on and I am not going to go back and I'm going to start my business and I'm going to launch my business and I'm going to have this house and I'm going to be at peace, and that's all there is to it.

Speaker 2:

And here I am. Here, I am at peace, I'm fixing up my house. I have the small circle that I have that I just love to pieces. My girls are my best friends and I have my friends that are good for me, like Tanisha. You're back in my life and you're an amazing influence for me. All these people are the people that are coming into my life.

Speaker 2:

It's like God knows exactly what I need, what I want, what's good for me, because I have this relationship with him now, ever since he saved my life, because I didn't know how to save my own, and he just teaches me every day. I love it, and you know what's so hard about this whole entire experience Tanisha Is trying to put it in words to somebody else the internal realization of being positive out of a negative, loving yourself. Unfortunately, we have to go through such hard times and you just hope that you come out of them in a way that both you and I have and we can only just say we're blessed at the end of the day, because a lot of people aren't blessed like we are.

Speaker 1:

That's very true. What is your business?

Speaker 2:

It's all the above Spelled A-B-U-V-E. I wanted to be different, of course, and it's all the above. And it's so funny. People are like so what do you do? And I'm like, all the above.

Speaker 1:

Anything that's needed.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and it's funny too, because I look back on my life and I've had my hands in everything you can think of and I love helping others. It's not just my purpose, it's my passion is to help other people. And so I'm like what can I do other than cleaning a house because of the car I was hit from behind not too long ago at one of these roundabouts over here and ended up hurting my back, and so now I'm trying to get away from house cleaning because that was part of my services and I'm trying to veer into, maybe virtual assistant now, because I was an executive assistant for this company and for real estate and property management. You know all the above.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

I have such knowledge and expertise with people and being in the office and computer softwares and just the personality that I have does not need to be behind a desk. I'll get fired every single time because I just can't do it. You know, I've got too much energy and I've got too much life inside of me and that's just who I am. I'm too much for some people, and that's okay, those aren't my people. I can make flyers. I can make your business cards. I can go talk to people. I'm too much for some people and that's okay, those aren't my people. I can make flyers. I can make your business cards. I can go talk to people. I can telemarket. I can all the above. So you know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

That's like the perfect name for a business.

Speaker 2:

No for a concierge company. There's all different meanings for what I do. I listen to your podcast all the way to Columbia, south Carolina. I said because I'm so busy I don't have time to sit there and go. Okay, I'm going to listen to it. Listen, if anybody's listening. You have to listen to Tanisha's Manifestation Podcast. I can't remember what it's called.

Speaker 1:

It's episode 13. That one is Mastering your Manifestation Journey.

Speaker 2:

Yes, that's what that one is. Yeah, y'all need to listen to that.

Speaker 1:

It's powerful, it's a really, really good one, for sure. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2:

Manifestation. I'm like what the heck is that? I didn't even know what it was and I'm going what is she talking about? Like, it sounds like stuff I already do. It sounds like stuff I already do, and it's so easy, it's so easy to do.

Speaker 1:

It is. It's very easy. A lot of people don't take the time for themselves.

Speaker 1:

It's going to force you to take that time for yourself. You know, even if it's just 30 minutes a day, just to take that time, I've gotten to a point to where I take a shower, I turn my Bluetooth speaker on and I start a book audio while I'm showering. I get a bed and shower all the time it's. You know it's so important to do that. I mean, you're either stuck in there with your silent thoughts, which are sometimes not so good, or you can fill it with something positive. So I choose to fill it with something positive. So I choose to fill it with something positive. Everything's a choice.

Speaker 2:

Right, mary? Right, it is, it is. And you know what we're. Like science projects, like every action has a reaction, okay. So bad follows bad, right follows right. If right doesn't follow right, then it's time to change your sails right. So we are our own, we are our own direction in this journey, your own self, your gut is there, which we don't ever listen to our gut, ever. We always question our gut and then realize later on and we just keep on repeating that mistake all the time. But, yes, everything is a choice. I've taught my children Everything is a choice. All your choices have gotten you exactly where you're at today.

Speaker 2:

Through that journey, some things have happened that are your fault, some not my fault, you know. But today I'm proud of who I am. I'm glad that I can guide my daughters. Carly told me the other day well, you can't save me from everything. Mom, I'll never learn, and she's exactly right. But I can't watch her hurt. I don't want her to be upset. I don't want either one of them to be upset. But they have to go through life just like I did, but at least they're not going to have such a rough time like I did. They have their mom and dad and now Mandy calls us mom and dad and we're all do Christmases together and Jason's getting married and she's amazing and I just really am grateful the way things have turned out for me and I'm not saying that there's not going to be stressful times, but I have the tools and I have the knowledge and I have the guidance from God to help me get through anything. I can face anything at this point in my life and know that I'll be okay in the end.

Speaker 1:

I think that is beautiful, and what you just said is a perfect spot for us to end the podcast, mary, thank you so much.

Speaker 2:

I definitely want you to come back and do another one of these with me. I enjoyed this conversation immensely.

Speaker 1:

I'm certain our listeners did too, If you guys are interested in what Mary does, if you're needing a personal assistant, a PR person or somebody just to help you with all the above, go to her website. Mary spell out your website for our.

Speaker 2:

It is wwwalloftheaboveorg.

Speaker 1:

Perfect, all right, mary, you have a lovely rest of your day.

Speaker 2:

And, hey, I'm so glad we were able to use this as, like, our catching up.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, yes. We have so much more of that to do, for sure.

Speaker 2:

Of course, and we will in time. Absolutely All right listeners thank you so much for listening and I appreciate you all.

Speaker 1:

You guys have a blessed day.