Healthy Mindset Miracles

Ep.008 - Barbara Seaman's Journey: From Silent Struggle to Empowered Healing

• Tanisha • Season 1 • Episode 8

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Episode_008 
Ever felt like you're on the brink, teetering between hope and despair? That's exactly where our guest, Barbara Seaman, found herself. As a certified life coach, yoga instructor, and writer, she faced numerous setbacks including a failed business venture and a mental health diagnosis. But rather than letting these challenges define her, she metamorphosed them into stepping stones towards a life filled with joy and fulfillment.

We also touch upon the intriguing issue of trademarks, sharing our own experiences of how these legal tangles can morph into emotional quagmires but also offer valuable lessons. We discuss how we transformed these challenges into growth opportunities, further solidifying the idea that adversity can indeed be a gateway to resilience. We exchange ideas on the importance of seeking help, especially in the face of mental illness. We navigate sensitively through the story of a woman's silent struggle with suicidal thoughts and her journey towards finding help. 

Barbara's courage in sharing her journey is a testament to her strength and her commitment to helping others. In the final segment of our conversation, we delve into personal growth and transformation. We explore the ways in which self-discovery, understanding childhood traumas, and setting boundaries in relationships can aid healing. We end on a powerful note, emphasizing the importance of reaching out and seeking help, assuring our listeners that it's never too late to turn adversity into opportunity. Join us for an episode that is sure to empower you, encourage personal growth, and inspire transformation.

Barbara's Links and info: 

Podcast: Unsubscribed--https://www.barbarasiemen.com/podcast

Blog: https://www.barbarasiemen.com/blog

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/barbarasiemen/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barbarasiemen/

Thank you for tuning in to this empowering episode of Healthy Mindset Miracles." We hope you found inspiration and insight into the journey of redefining your mindset.

If you have any questions or would like to share your own experiences, please visit our website:
www.healthymindsetmiracles.com

We welcome your stories and inquiries. If you are interested in being a guest send us a message under contact us in the website.

Stay tuned for more episodes where we continue to explore the path to healing and well-being. Until we meet again, may you discover a healthy mindset in your life. 🌟

Don't forget to like, share, comment and subscribe on our Facebook and YouTube channel.


Speaker 1:

Welcome to Healthy Mindset Miracles. I am Tanisha, your host, and we have a very special guest with us today. If you noticed, I do not have my boom on me. I don't have my headphones. We're totally doing a new recording today. We're just gonna sit back and relax and enjoy the show. So Barbara Seaman is a certified life coach.

Speaker 1:

She's also a yoga instructor and a writer who helps others find their path to joy in fulfilling life and living fulfilled living. After a failed business endeavor and a subsequent mental illness diagnosis in 2016, which we're gonna be talking about that today, she has caused her to go into a major slump. So Barbara questioned her life's purpose. She devoted her time to unlearning what was holding her back and undoing the pain of her childhood trauma. So it has taken over five years for her to follow the breadcrumbs, but with the help of coaches and the help of therapists, self-help books, spiritual help, she has been able to use her own tuition as well to be able to unsubscribe from all of those things that she doesn't want in her life, and she's devoted to making that happen for you as well.

Speaker 1:

We would like to welcome Barbara and Barbara, it's so amazing to have you here with us. You absolutely look beautiful and I am so excited you had said here in this note that I have that you want to help other people to do the same, to be able to change their life Because and I quote, you said because you're never too late, too soon, too old, too young, too busy or too tired to have whatever you want in life. I love that you put that there, because you are absolutely right it is never too late to be able to do anything when you want to change. It's a will, it's a will of wanting to change. So let's talk about that business endeavor you had a failed business endeavor and go into how those things changed in your life, so welcome.

Speaker 2:

Thank you. Thank you for having me on the show. This is very exciting, yes, so yeah, I guess I'll backtrack to 2014. When I began blogging, I had always had a dream. Ever since I was a little girl, I loved books and I loved reading and writing, and I used to collect baron stain bear books as a kid. Save my birthday money.

Speaker 1:

I remember those books.

Speaker 2:

I saved my birthday money and Christmas money and everything, and I would go and buy my own books. I was building my own library, and so I'd always had this dream of someday being an author being published. And so, around 2014, the kids are in school, hubby is busy, I'm, as a stay at home mom, just feeling like I need something for me, something to do for me that gives me purpose every day, aside from just making dinner and wiping butts, and so I started blogging, and I had very naively chosen a very famous company's trademarked name to be part of my pseudonym. It was my website address. It was kind of the pen name people knew me by at that point, and I can't speak to what the name was because things get very bad, so anyway, so in 2014, I had begun blogging, and I was just blogging about family and food, fun, farming.

Speaker 2:

My husband and I we have a farm where we raised our kids here in the country in Michigan, and so I was just blogging and having a fantastic time taking pictures, sharing our life, and it started to grow and gained a lot of momentum.

Speaker 2:

I had a lot of readers, a lot of followers on my social media. People were really invested in our family life, invested in learning about farming. I was sharing recipes, how I was feeding my kids healthy meals and they weren't very picky about it and everything and just everything we did in life. I was just literally putting our life on display and people were really resonating with it. They really connected with our family, and so I started getting invited to some like agricultural industry conferences and I was being trained to be like a speaker on a stage. So I really felt like, wow, this is it, this is what I'm meant to do, like I meant to connect with people, I meant to write, I meant to speak, like this is a really cool gig, and so I called it a business endeavor, even though I never made any money doing it In fact it cost money to have a website.

Speaker 2:

You have to pay for the URL, you have to pay for the hosting and all of the platform stuff, and anytime you hire someone to do some content work or redesign and branding and all of that, it all costs money. So I literally never made a dime. It cost us money. And so, anyway, around early spring of 2016, like I had amassed a pretty decent following of people and I apparently had gotten big enough that I was found out, so this very famous company realized I was using their trademark name and I was served some papers.

Speaker 1:

Let's stop there for just a second Now. You said you were using their trademark name. Did you not realize that you were using their trademark name?

Speaker 2:

Well, it's a very famous name and I knew I was using it. I just didn't know that it was infringing upon anything, because I wasn't selling an item with that name. I wasn't making any money by using that name. It's literally just like a nickname, and so I very naively didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

Speaker 1:

Right, and that's actually a really good lesson for many people, because they don't realize that when you're creating a business name and that business name is going to be your face, who you are, whether you're making money or not, and whether it's a business or not, you're becoming public and this is how people are associating you with this name. And so I, purposely, when I started my podcast, my podcast name was actually a different name than what it is today, and I'm not gonna speak of what that name is. But I didn't know about the trademark situation until I was doing some studies and I realized wait a minute, maybe I need to go check and see if there's other companies that might be using this name for whatever purpose is whether writing a book, whether it's podcasts, whether whatever it is and there was indeed several listings of that name or similar names to the one that I was using. So I changed my podcast name to Healthy Minds at Miracles because I didn't wanna run into that same problem, and actually I believe you and I had had us talk about this prior to me making that change and you had inspired me about making that change because of your story, and so I really hope that those that are listening to your story today can take to that as a lesson to be very careful about trademark names, very careful about copyrights.

Speaker 1:

You know, those things are things that people don't think about, and you're right. It costs me more money to do this podcast and I do not make any money unless somebody clicks on an affiliate link and go buy a book on Amazon or something and I might get like 40 cents for that book or something that they buy. But we don't do this for the money. We do this because we genuinely wanna share and help people, and I think that's where you were in your endeavor as well, weren't you?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. I definitely felt like writing was a purpose of mine and by connecting with consumers about the way that you know modern agriculture operates, just educating people about the equipment and the way that we utilize the earth and treat our animals, like I was really just doing it out of pure heart and good intentions, but I had not done my due diligence. I had. It was my fault. I was using a famous company's trademark name very naively and though I didn't see there was a problem with it, I was still wrong, and that's the reality of it Is that I was wrong and I deserved to have everything taken from me the way that it was.

Speaker 1:

Well, let me ask you this, though, because there was a victory in this you learned some very valuable lessons and you're able to use those lessons for your endeavors for today, right? So those are positive things and those lessons that you learn. Although, at the time, we're very negative and have put you through some negative situations mentally and physically and stuff you can now turn around and use those lessons to be able to help others, and that's what you're doing today, and I am so proud of you for picking yourself back up through all that. I get tears streaming in my eyes right now because I am so proud of you, but I also and I'm excited for those that are listening to this podcast because of those experiences that you have, you're actually healing other people, and I want you to know that.

Speaker 1:

I want you to know that things happen for a reason, whether they're good or bad. It's how we respond to those things is gonna be able to define us, and I believe that you found your definition throughout all these challenges that you've gone through. So, when this happened and they found out about the name, everything got taken away from you. What happened with you personally?

Speaker 2:

Well, there was a period of time when we were going back and forth with lawyers between their lawyer. I had hired a trademark attorney in Washington DC to represent me, and so there was a period of about four, five months, I would say, where there was this back and forth, and I had never been through anything like this before. I was very scared. I felt like I had really screwed up and this company was gonna sue us and they were gonna take everything from our family. We were gonna lose the farm, it just it was really weighing on me a lot, and so I fell into a very deep depression. I realized everything was my fault and I had done a bad thing and I was a terrible person, and the thoughts just kept compounding and getting worse and worse and worse.

Speaker 2:

And that's when I realized I needed help, because I couldn't dig myself out of that horrible thinking Great.

Speaker 1:

And so then something changed. What changed? Because you went through, and I don't know how far you want to take this knowledge, but I do remember a time when you were home alone and you had some thoughts. Now it's up to you if you want to share that. However, at that moment is when your life completely changed.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely, and I have no problem sharing the story because I think the more that we talk about things like this, the more it's easier for other people to open up and talk about things like this, and thank you. It was difficult. I wasn't able to speak about this for quite a few years because after I went through this, I became a hermit. I didn't leave my house then and everything, but so, anyway, I had what I would say is like some sort of come to Jesus moment, like I was in such a bad mental place. I really felt like I was a horrible person and my family would be better without me, and I had never, ever, experienced thoughts like that before.

Speaker 2:

And so my children were in school and my husband was gone for the day, like he had to go and buy some tractor parts somewhere else or whatever.

Speaker 2:

So he was gonna be gone for the day and I was home alone in our house, and we have weapons in our house and I know how to use them, and so what really scared me was the moment I thought I can just take myself out right now and I truly believed my family would be happier and be better without me. And I had this moment, as I was reaching up into my closet toward the gun safe, I heard a voice, and the voice said to me the children will be the ones to find you first, because my husband was gone for like the whole day, like driving across the state to pick up these parts or whatever, and so they would have gotten home off the school bus before he returned. And when I heard that voice in my head say the children will be the ones to find you first, I knew I could not do that to my children. You cannot unsee your mother dead in her closet by her own hand. That is an image you cannot erase from your little brain and so I dropped the floor.

Speaker 1:

It also causes challenges for them. If they were to see something like that, exactly, yeah, exactly. We wouldn't want for them at all, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I dropped to the floor and, of course, with sobbing, and just screamed out like Jesus Christ, I just need some help. You know, like I don't know what to do. And so a thought popped in my head and it was call a hotline. You just need to talk to somebody. You know, I grabbed my phone and I just Googled suicide hotline, hit the 1-800 number and said to the woman that answered I just, I need someone to talk to. I don't know how to get out of this. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate myself so bad and I have guns in my home and I know how to use them.

Speaker 2:

And what I didn't know is that when you call a suicide hotline number like just a 1-800 number, apparently it feeds into a local resource.

Speaker 2:

So there's somebody locally that was talking to me and I didn't know it. So this woman I was talking to was only 20 minutes away and somehow I really don't remember much of our conversation. But somehow she was able to convince me to get into my vehicle and drive to her to see her, to talk to her in person. So I did, I got in my vehicle, I drove there and went into the office, asked for her. I was sitting in the waiting room like staring at this piece, lily, like kind of like a zombie, and I heard her familiar voice behind me and then I turned around and I looked at her and she said Barbara, come on back, I'm here for you. And so she took me back into her office. And again, I don't really remember a lot of what we talked about, but I do know at one point I had said why are you being so nice to me? I'm a terrible person.

Speaker 1:

Oh.

Speaker 2:

And I remember this. She's a very grandmotherly type of woman. I don't remember her name, but I remember her face. She had looked at me and she said I know you're not a terrible person. You are just in a terrible place right now, but this is not the last place for you.

Speaker 1:

We're gonna get you the help that you need.

Speaker 2:

So what I didn't know is that she had lured me there to talk to her. I thought I was just going to talk to someone, but she was going to commit me, and that's what happened.

Speaker 1:

So is this the business that she worked at, or was this building for the suicide hotline, or was this just her work?

Speaker 2:

It's like a behavioral health clinic in our county so it's associated like with our hospital or health department or something.

Speaker 1:

Okay, now do you know if that's the true for all over the country, if anybody from any state.

Speaker 2:

yeah, I don't really know.

Speaker 1:

I wonder how that works, because I don't know either, and I'm certain that some of one of our listeners may know they can share with us in the comments what they do know, because I think that would be helpful to know when we call, like who are these people that are helping us?

Speaker 2:

You know, and but.

Speaker 1:

So when she talked to you and you didn't know that she was going to admit you, but when you found out that you were gonna be admitted, how did you feel about that?

Speaker 2:

I felt a lot of relief. I did. I literally had no idea what to do. I knew I needed help and I was like just completely surrendering to whoever was able and willing to help me. So I was in for it, like.

Speaker 2:

So she had at that point, like right before I was taken over to the emergency room and then from there I was taken to another behavioral health center.

Speaker 2:

But so when I was in her office yet she had said all right, we need to call your husband, he needs to be in the ER with you before you're taken. She had called him and of course he sees this number on his phone that he doesn't recognize. So he's like hello, you know, like I don't know who this is. And she was like this is so-and-so from this place and I'm here with your wife and I need to talk to you about something really serious. And she says that you're driving, can you pull over? And he was like okay, he knew that I was sad and I was struggling, but he didn't realize how badly it was because I had kind of become a pretty good actress over the years, when that's kind of the whole childhood thing on packing itself is, I had always been able to perform. I had always been able to package myself in a way that I could be loved and admired by other people, and so I did a lot of acting.

Speaker 2:

When I was depressed, I could act a certain amount, and then when everyone was gone for the day, then that's when I could really hate myself, because I was alone.

Speaker 1:

Isn't that true for a lot of people, though, like a lot of us, especially women, because we have this, all these different roles in our lives, where we're a mother, we're a wife, we're a house cleaner, we have a business, we have people that we talk to, we have friends, and we tend to try to put these different hats on, and so, no matter what's going on with us, we still have jobs to do and we do our jobs, and we do them very well. And a lot of times too and this is something that many of us should be aware of is we never know when a family member is struggling because they could be coming up with a mask when they're around us and not allowing us to see the truth of what's going on behind that mask. And so, with your opinion, did your husband see any kind of signs with you? Obviously, you were hiding behind and performing, but did he see any signs at all? Has he shared that with you?

Speaker 2:

Well, he knew I wasn't eating, well, I was losing a lot of weight, like my hair was falling out. I had just this general like discolored to my skin. I just wasn't healthy. And he thought, just give her some time, she'll get over it kind of thing. Like he knew that I was struggling but he thought in time I would just be okay. And it was through the winter at this point and in Michigan it's very gray, like it's just always like cloudy and gray. We don't see a lot of sun in the winter. Sometimes we have, so sometimes we don't have snow, so it can just be really depressing. And that's why a lot of Michiganders leave and go to Florida or Arizona for the winter, if they can afford it, because it's just so dreary here.

Speaker 2:

So, I think in a way he believed part of the struggling lasting as long as it was is because we were in winter and he was like we'll just give her some time and come spring and summer she'll snap out of it, kind of thing.

Speaker 1:

But I wasn't so do you think like, what is your suggestion to those that are listening If they have a family member that's going through what you described losing weight, not eating. Well, their coloring in your skin, their demeanor, their personality, things are changing. What would you suggest they do if they start seeing a family member going through that?

Speaker 2:

The number one thing is to talk about it. So much is missed when things are left unsaid. So just bringing it up and talking about it, asking questions, being concerned. If someone is not very open to discussing their feelings, if they feel maybe attacked or something, then maybe it's time to seek professional help and say like I feel, like this family member so-and-so is really struggling. I don't know how to help them. Maybe you can give me some advice, that sort of thing. But definitely getting help and talking about it is number one.

Speaker 1:

Do you think that if your husband would have came to you and said hey, barbara, what's going on with you? Like you're noticing you're not eating, there's some changes in you Would you have talked to him and told him I'm struggling right now.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I believe I would have. I do Because our relationship has really evolved and grown a lot since we went through this together.

Speaker 2:

I would say before this all happened we were just functioning as really happy and in love people, but we didn't really ever tackle really hard, difficult conversations because we didn't have any. People sometimes don't even really believe us when we say we don't fight. My husband and I, we just get along well, we have a good life and we love each other and we're very considerate of one another and things just always work really well with us. So we had never gone through anything really traumatic or serious that required deep and intimate conversation.

Speaker 1:

I've heard of other relationships that are like that, where there's no arguments, no fights. In my relationship with my husband, when we first got together, we didn't know how to communicate. We were at each other's throat all the time. But we've learned today. Now we communicate quite well because we have gone through those challenges of struggling, of being able to talk. But it's worth it, because when you learn how to love and respect one another, men always desire the respect and their role as a man and as a husband and household, and a woman's always desiring to feel loved. And so when a woman, when a man gives the woman the love that she desires and a woman gives the man the respect that he desires, then you automatically be able to fulfill that for each other the love and respect for each other.

Speaker 1:

There is a book called Love and Respect that I wrote, that I read. It's on. If you guys go into the website you'll see the book and the book all books that are the word I'm looking for now recommended. So there are books that I recommended. That is one of them and it is a book that my husband and I did use. And so, barbara, you and your husband automatically knew how to respect and love one another and that's absolutely amazing, by the way, because there are a lot of relationships that don't know how to do that. But when you get to those spaces, it makes things. When you go through traumatic situations like you did, it makes things a lot easier to be able to come together to heal. I believe. Do you feel like because you guys had that love and respect for one another, that you were able to lean into him and he was able to give you the love that you needed so that you could feel through this?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, he had been nothing but 100% supportive from the second. He walked into the ER room and burst into tears and just hugged me so hard and said Honey, I didn't know it was this bad, you know. And so, yeah, it was really like a critical moment for the two of us, because I had completely surrendered and been like I need some help, like serious, serious help, and he was like I didn't know it was this bad, I'm sorry, let's get you what you need. And so in that moment we were able to just drop all of the masks and all of the falsities that could have been created when people try to defend themselves or make excuses for their behavior or whatever. It was just like I was like I'm sorry, I need help, and he was like I'm sorry, I'll help you. It was just a really beautiful moment, even though it was really scary, and a moment I would never want to go through again. But we did have to go through that moment together.

Speaker 1:

So what happened next? So what did they do for you? How long did they keep you? What is the experience that you went through? Obviously, it's a positive experience, because it truly did help you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I was taken by an ambulance to a larger regional facility. Because we live in the country as farmers we have a really small little local hospital. I had to be taken to a larger facility and I was there for five days and he was able to come and visit me and he, I think he brought the children twice to visit me and so at this point the kids were in eighth grade, sixth grade and second grade and I think the older two realized like mom hadn't been acting right, Like I was kind of moody and reactive and really sad and obviously getting skinnier every day, and so they were attuned to that. I'm not sure the little one really knew what was happening, but when he brought the kids to see me and I had my family back together in that visiting room, I realized how important it was for me to do this work.

Speaker 1:

Exactly.

Speaker 2:

They were the reason I didn't hurt myself in my closet that day, because as a mother, I knew instinctively you can't do that to them. That's unfair. They were the reason I was working so hard. Obviously, my husband. He was the reason I was working so hard. I was the reason I needed to be working so hard to get my mindset fixed, absolutely. It was important for me.

Speaker 1:

That's the key is saying that you were the reason, because you need to see that you deserve that. You deserve that love and that change and that healing. I bet that moment and I'm going to try not to cry because I can feel it coming but I bet that moment that you got to see your children for the first time after getting the treatment that you had was a very emotional moment for you.

Speaker 2:

A very emotional day. It was very emotional for all of us. I'm not sure the kids had ever seen their dad cry before no, and so all of us were just like totally letting our guard down, connecting as a family. Just mom needs some help. Whatever it takes, we're here to help mom.

Speaker 1:

That's amazing. So how long ago was that that happened?

Speaker 2:

So I had been committed to the hospital in January of 2017.

Speaker 2:

And I was there for five days and then sent home. I guess the psychiatrist that I was speaking with in the mental facility was like whoa, I don't understand this cocktail of medication you're on. Whoever's been prescribing for you please stop seeing them. This is not healthy. This is not what you should be taking. So he's just no wonder your brain was scrambled eggs. This is not good. I had described to him that my brain felt like you know that candy. When you were a kid you'd eat the little packets of pop rocks. You'd open up a little packet and dump it in your mouth and it was like exploding.

Speaker 2:

That's what my brain felt like all the time. I had this like exploding in my brain and he is like that's not right.

Speaker 1:

So for his mother. Timmy's going to sparring off too fast.

Speaker 2:

Yeah right, I don't know, I'm not sure what was happening in there, but it wasn't good so the first thing he did was detox me, took me off everything, and then I started on one new medication and was sent home with that and a therapist who had because we live in the country this therapist was still 30 minutes away from my home, but once a week I would go and speak with this therapist and she's really the one that started me on this journey of self discovery, because I had not realized up to this point how injured I was from some childhood issues and I was using like that survival mode from childhood in my adult life and we shouldn't have to live that way, we shouldn't have to function that way.

Speaker 2:

So she helped me to realize the reason I did some of the things I did and the reasons I felt. Some of the things I felt and the reasons I said some of the things I said is was coming from a place of trying to protect myself from some sort of bad scenario, some sort of trauma, and so, yeah, because I was functioning from that childhood trauma. That's the reason I had gone through what I had gone through. The depression had gotten as bad as it had and then the medication had compounded it infinitely and that's why it became such a dire situation for me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So now you're back home, you've got these new medications, you are on your way of a new outlook on life. Six months later, where was your life then?

Speaker 2:

Within six months I was already done with therapy I had I dove in so hard. This was now my full time job.

Speaker 2:

It was all right. All hands on deck. Kids like the house is everyone's responsibility. We're all pitching in here. Mom is completely working on herself now. She is her job and so we all have to pitch in and literally I was my job. I did lots of reading, I did lots of journaling, I did lots of crying, I did adult coloring, I got into essential oils and I was diffusing and I was mixing oils and wearing them on my skin and I was holding crystals and I was chanting and I was singing and dancing and just like doing any sort of somatic modality that could help to get rid of the trauma in my body, help to rectify the traumas that were in my brain and just to bring me and myself back to wholeness.

Speaker 2:

That was my whole job, and so I really dove into it, and so within six months I was already done with therapy, with the idea that I could come back if I needed to, of course. But at first my husband and children thought what is this weird? Like voodoo stuff, mom is doing. She's like lighting sage and wafting it around the room and weird stuff like that. They didn't really understand it, but they were like whatever you need you go do you girl?

Speaker 1:

Happy, let her do it. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I just did all the things. I just kept following and pulling the thread and seeing where it took me. I would read a book on one thing and it would mention something different and then I'd get really into learning all about that thing and I just started amassing a library, just like I had always loved to collect books. I just buy books and I read them and reread them and I study them like I need to take a final exam on them. I get highlighters out and pens and I underlined and circle and right in the margin, like I studied these books and I learned that was my job.

Speaker 1:

There's something very powerful when we do that. We put ourselves in those modes. I remember moments where I did that and I was going through some major trauma situations in my life and the only thing that I had was my Bible actually, and I started to just highlight verses and I started studying and I started reading and looking for ways to lift my spirits. I had to work on my own inside and before I could help anybody on the outside, and then I started going into books, like you did self help books and different things that I knew that would be beneficial for my learning. I also had seek out mentorship to where people that had the type of life or the type of personality or mentality that I wanted to be around. That's what I seek out.

Speaker 1:

And when you're by yourself and you have a book that you're reading and you're highlighting and you're really studying it and absorbing the information in that book, it like transforms your entire world inside internally. It's like your physical world disappears and your spiritual world comes about and you're like literally inside the book pages and you're wrapping yourself around those words and you're wrapping yourself around the mindset and you're going deep down inside of yourself and I think magical things happen at those moments. Did you feel those magical moments when you were going through that and you're seeing, like the astronomical change within your heart, within your mind, within how you saw when you came out of those books and you're looking at the real world. You're seeing it differently. Is that what you experienced as well?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, for sure. Like I've always loved learning, like if I could have been a professional learner and gotten paid for it as a career, like that'd be it for me. Yeah, learning was very therapeutic, it was very spiritual for me, very healing, and while I was learning and doing all of the self discovery and healing, I was sharing what I was learning with my family. So as I was learning something, I was like teaching it to them to, which reinforces it then as well in my brain. But it's also helping them to understand the process of learning and healing that I'm going through.

Speaker 2:

And so much of it made sense like I could. I could underline or highlight like a very important passage in a text and it would be like Wow, I've known that, like I've intuitively known that my whole life, but I just didn't know the way to put it into words. But this author, this author said it right here and it's like boom, so much makes sense now of my childhood and how I was functioning as an adult. And it just was like wow, yeah, like why doesn't everybody know this stuff? So I really feel, in a way, blessed that I went through what I've gone through, because my children were able to learn these things.

Speaker 1:

At very young ages.

Speaker 2:

They aren't gonna have to make the same mistakes that I made growing up, because they're already that much further ahead of the game than I was.

Speaker 1:

Yes, that is so beautiful that you're saying that, because that's what I see in our children as well. When I started making the changes, and even my husband, when my husband started making some changes we both started getting into books, started really diving deep within our spirit and making. And let me tell you, we've gone through so many different phases, because you do. You go through many different phases of learning and many different phases of changing, and you might have one mindset this day, but then six months later, you'll read something different and your mindset will completely change. But what it's doing is it's molding into the person that you're supposed to become, and not only that. But you're not molding just yourself. You're molding the people around you. So your children are molding, your husband's molding, your family's molding.

Speaker 1:

I'm watching one of my best friends and she's watching this right now and she's probably gonna cry and I'm gonna cry, but she and I have been working together because she's been going through a very traumatic situation in her life and because of her amazing transformation and changes and the struggles that she's gone through and overcoming those struggles, we're now seeing that her mom is changing. She never had the intention of trying to change her mom, but her mom's noticing the changes within her, and so now her mom is molding around that and it's a beautiful thing. Like she hasn't forced nothing on her mom, she hasn't told her mom she needed to do anything, nothing like that. It's just that her mom is actually witnessing the beautiful moments and the strength that she's enduring and changing and the growth that she's going through, and her mom's now going mentally. Maybe she should change, and so we're seeing that happen.

Speaker 1:

Nothing has to be said, it just automatically does it by itself, because you are the sum total of the five people you surround yourself with wrong. But if you become the strength and the light of those five people that you're surrounded, then those five people start to become a strength and the light, because you become the beacon head of that pack. Does that make any sense? I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but in my mind it makes sense, because the stronger you become, the more you start changing for the positive and the purpose, and those around you will start to change as well. Did you see that within your family Not only your husband and your children, but your friends, your family, your siblings, your parents, people around you outside your home Did you see them start changing too.

Speaker 2:

There's been some and there's been some that have not. It is everyone's own choice and I know there are some people that are resistant to self-discovery and understanding and unpacking childhood traumas because it's too scary. They don't wanna go there. They wanna just keep functioning the way we always were. What was wrong with it? Let's just keep pretending we're one big, happy family and everything was fine. But I can't do that anymore. That's one of the things I unsubscribed from was the pretending.

Speaker 2:

I'm not going to pretend anymore. I'm not going to sugarcoat things. I'm going to be honest about what I feel and what I want and I'm not going to feel any shame for that. If someone else wants to try to shame me for a decision I've made, that's on them, because I don't feel the shame. I'm 100% here for me and healing me and being honest and aligned with my true and highest self, and I really do think I came to earth for this purpose.

Speaker 2:

I think that my first blog and all of the writing and the podcast I had done and speaking on stages and all of that, I really think it was all done to prepare me for this, because now that I'm doing it again, I know how to do it all. I know how to run a website. I know how to run a podcast, like, know how to do all the things, send out the email lists and like. I feel like that was like elementary school for me. I learned how to do all of the critical stuff that I need to prepare me for this now, which is like graduate school. I feel like I had to go through all of that to get to this point because this is what I was meant to do.

Speaker 2:

I thought that that blog that arming blog was what I was supposed to do but it was this is what I was supposed to do all along, and so some people have changed with me and some people have not, and I just have to love, and let them go if they're not willing to come along with me for the ride.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, and sometimes that's the hardest thing. I posted something recently on my face, my personal Facebook, like the hardest thing for us to do is to let go of those people that we love, but we have to do it for our own healing. I have family members that I do not speak to right now because it's too toxic of a situation, and they're not going to understand where I'm at in my life, and it's not their the way I see it. It's not their responsibility to understand that. However, I do require respect for that, and if that that respect can't be there, then my boundary is I can't be around because I need to continue on the path that I'm on and I can't allow those toxic words or behavior to be around me or my family because of the direction that we're headed.

Speaker 1:

So you did talk about this is what you're supposed to do. This is where you're at in your life. So let's talk about those things that you're doing today. You have a podcast. You're doing blogging again. You're doing all of these amazing things again. What is the name of your website? What's the name of your podcast? Share with my listeners, because I'm certain they're going to want to follow you and I want to follow you, so go ahead and share that information with everybody.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so my website is just my name, Barbara Seamancom. That's how you can find me on Facebook and Instagram Also, that's mostly where I live. I have done a few ticktocks, but ticktocks are hard Like I just don't get it. I guess maybe I'm too old. I need like one of my teenagers to help me do the ticktocks. I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I don't know what it is. I'm like I may need to go get a fifth grader to teach me how to do this.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah. So that's why I mostly live on just my website and Facebook and Instagram and, of course, I have the podcast, which is called unsubscribed, so you can find that anywhere that you listen to podcasts, because it gets sent out everywhere. So you just search for the word unsubscribed and you should find it, and the image is just a picture of my face, so I love that, and so what do you speak about on your podcast?

Speaker 1:

So what is your topics that you have on there?

Speaker 2:

So I used to do just a solo show where I was just speaking about things that I was learning, things that were important to me, things that I wanted other women to know, whatever I could do to help them. And then I took a break for a while. You know like sometimes the family just has to come first and something's got to give. And so I set my podcast aside for five months and then I picked it back up and this now in this like second iteration of it, I am speaking with other women one on one, like you and I are doing right now, and I I'm finding women that are from all walks of life, with all different sorts of careers, have all sorts of different interesting pasts, and we just talk about being like midlife mothers, changing careers, raising kids, relationships, like just anything.

Speaker 2:

It's like just. Our conversations are very organic and just fluid. I never have like a set amount or number or type of question that I want to ask them or anything. It's just wherever the conversation flows. I'm not a journalist, I'm not a professional interviewer, so sometimes our conversations are messy, but that's just. It's just like chatting with a friend. You know, that's just what it is. It's just chatting with a friend.

Speaker 1:

That's what this podcast is all about Just chatting with a friend. I'm sitting here sitting in a chair. I think I love these conversations because they're so helpful for us, not only because within our own spirits, we can heal having conversations like this with other women that are like minded, but we can also share out there in the world and put that energy out there, which is super, super exciting. So our time is up today, barbara, but I thank you so much for coming on here and sharing your story and sharing with so many people about how to overcome those challenges of suicidal thoughts, but also not being afraid to reach out for help, and I am super excited to be able to share this with everybody else. And you're amazing. I'm looking forward to going on unsubscribed to listen to your podcast because I'm curious now as to the things that you have to share, but I also want to be able to support you. So thank you so much for everything that you do for yourself, for your family, for your listeners and for me. I appreciate you.

Speaker 2:

Yes, thank you so much for having me on the show. I really enjoyed myself and I look forward to hearing from some of your listeners if they ever want to reach out. And I've got life coaching packages that I work with on people one on one, over zoom, so you can be literally anywhere in the world and we can work together.

Speaker 1:

That is beautiful, Absolutely. So you guys go follow Barbara, go listen to her, reach out to her. You are having some challenges and you need some help, and don't be afraid to ask for help if you have some negative thoughts. Absolutely so with that we're going to go ahead and have a good day everybody.