Healthy Mindset Miracles
❤️In a world where we often talk about life challenges and the struggles we face, we believe it's equally important to shine a light on the incredible stories of resilience and transformation.
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These stories are about people who, against all odds, have achieved incredible turnarounds in their mindset. They're living proof that changes are possible, even when it feels like a miracle. 🌠
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Healthy Mindset Miracles
Ep.007 - Melissa Bickford: Sobriety, Self-Love, and DJing
Episode_007
Meet Melissa Bickford, a remarkable technology executive and warrior who fought her way out of the clutches of alcoholism. Melissa isn't shy about her past as she candidly shares her rollercoaster journey from social drinking to destructive escapism, and ultimately to sobriety. We strip away the façade of high functioning alcoholism and expose the true impact of addiction on both personal and professional life in this conversation.
With her newfound clarity in sobriety, Melissa channels her pain and experiences into her passion for music. She discovered DJing as a form of therapy and a tool for self-discovery. If you're curious about the relationship between addiction and art, Melissa's insights are quite revealing. We also explored her journey to self-love and acceptance as a single woman. It's a compelling narrative of transformation that you wouldn't want to miss.
Lastly, we emphasize the importance of understanding the adverse effects of alcohol. We share our personal experiences and talk about societal pressures to drink. Sobriety, as Melissa has shown, can lead to better health, increased productivity, and a renewed sense of purpose. So, whether you're battling addiction or seeking inspiration to make a change, this episode is for you. Listen in as Melissa narrates her inspiring journey to an alcohol-free life.
Melissa's Instagram: @melonballbiscuit
Thank you for tuning in to this empowering episode of Healthy Mindset Miracles." We hope you found inspiration and insight into the journey of redefining your mindset.
If you have any questions or would like to share your own experiences, please visit our website:
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Stay tuned for more episodes where we continue to explore the path to healing and well-being. Until we meet again, may you discover a healthy mindset in your life. 🌟
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Welcome to Healthy Mindset Miracles. It is so great to have you guys back. I have a really special guest with us today. Her name is Melissa Bickford. She is a distinguished technology executive in the software industry with a remarkable journey Over the last 15 years. She has left her mark on the global banking and tech landscape, spanning continents from Australia to the USA and the UK. She's traveled all over. It's amazing. We can't wait to hear those stories. So Melissa's unwavering guiding principle to a transform pain into purpose and the passion into profession, a philosophy that fuels her dedication to empowering individuals to reach their full potential. Melissa, welcome, we're so excited to have you on our podcast today.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, Tanisha. It's an absolute pleasure to be here and I'm super excited to be chatting to you and what great things you're doing with this podcast and inspiring your audience to be their best selves.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Now, your story is so remarkable because you started out having challenges with alcoholism and that's one of the things that I've heard a lot of stories like that, where people have had challenge with alcoholism and had to overcome that. Tell us a little bit about that and then let's go into how you were able to overcome alcoholism and the challenges and then your workforce while going through that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's obviously a huge subject to unpack and in terms of the alcoholism and how that's showed up for me, I think earlier on, probably in my sort of late teens, early 20s I just remember when I first started to drink at parties that I felt so relaxed because I was such a naturally anxious person and I was like, what is this feeling? Wow, I can finally just take a deep sigh of relief and let go, and people started to, I guess, enjoy that loud, big, vivacious version of me that actually maybe wasn't really the most authentic version of myself, and I think earlier on it manifested in less destructive ways but more just taking it a little bit too far, just being the one who would just end up not saying things that I was super proud of or doing things that I was super proud of. So I think it wasn't really until my 30s and going through some fairly major personal challenges that it manifested in a more serious way. And so in terms of my career journey, I would say the relationship I have with alcohol, it would go through phases over the last 15 years and sometimes I was in a slightly better spot with it, but I feel like my story is always marked with periods of sobriety, and that is always when I was performing at my best, both, not just in my career but in my personal life. You're able to show off other people because you can show off for yourself.
Speaker 2:And then I think the sort of defining moments when I decided something had to change for me was in the last couple of years, when it really got to a point where it became clear to me that I would not be able to achieve my full potential professionally and personally if I continue to drink the way I was drinking. I think it more from being yay, the life of the party. This is something to celebrate too. This is becoming more medicinal and this is an escape and this is a way to numb pain that I was feeling and wasn't ready to address yet. And over the last year or so, I've been on a real journey to actually unpack what was lying underneath that, those behaviors and that escapism with alcohol, and I think it's something that I'm really grateful to have had so much support in continuing to overcome.
Speaker 2:It's very much one day at a time, and being in recovery is not something that you can do on your own. And, yeah, I think I've always been a little bit mindful of it because it runs in my family. My mother's father was an alcoholic and he was a very unhealthy man who had not a great relationship with my mother, and then my uncle also passed away at an incredibly young age, yeah, so I never got to meet him. So I think it's something that's always been in the back of my mind and I think because I was never really was never particularly happy with the way I was drinking, it was something that was always taking up space in my mind and actually in deciding to embrace a sober, curious journey, and I think there's never been a better time to go down that path. There's so much support out there, but there's also so many incredible alternative drink options. As someone who still loves to go out and is still with social.
Speaker 1:What would those alternatives be?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I love a good zero percent beer. I love a good. There's a great brand in the UK called the Clean Company or the Clean Co, that Spencer Matthews who's like a reality TV star over here launched, and then I'd say another one is Trip UK. It's a CBD based, adaptogenic natural drink and I think it's this whole concept of drinking for future you like, drinking for a better you and trying to be the best version of yourself and being really present, and I think I was always because of my generalized anxiety disorder. I was always wanting to escape that sort of uncomfortable feeling in the moment or at the beginning of an event or the beginning of a day or the beginning of, like, a social situation or where you might feel a little bit awkward. And then when you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and it's really hard to stop at one, and so then obviously one can become multiple and that's when you can take it too far and start to do things that you regret, both on a personal and on a professional level.
Speaker 2:So, I basically this year I decided to choose myself and that meant for me removing alcohol from my life and that's really just opened up a whole new world to me of opportunities across the board professionally, hobbies, who I spend my time with, at the level of connection I have with those people, deepened connections with my existing friends and family and ultimately I like such a healthier relationship with myself. I think the for me, something that I really really hated myself for was how much time you can waste when you're drinking heavily, because it's not only the hours in the day where you're drinking and you're wasting that time. It then impacts you for the following days and you feel foggy and you're not performing at your best. It was something that I would do when I was bored because I wasn't feeling particularly motivated or worthy and confident in myself at the time. However, I'm not going to say it's been easy. It was those first few weeks and days in particular were incredibly difficult, but I've learned on various different communities. Talk has an amazing community, so the TALK community a turning point is a great addiction recovery service in the UK that I've worked with. Of course, there's always a all over the world and trusted friends and family. I think anyone who loves the true you will be there to support you in your journey.
Speaker 2:And I think actually what I've realized is I've had some of the most fun times in the last few months going out being completely sober. I had my brother's wedding in Croatia back in early September and it was naturally a little bit nervous to be going to such a big event where there would be so much booze, and I could not have had a better time. And you know what the best part was just being so present to see him marry his beautiful wife and to be able to not only capture that in terms of take loads of photos and videos and really capture the moments, but to be there and live them and remember them and feel them and be present for my family, and I think something that's really come out of all of this is a real sense of pride in myself, and then I think the energy you radiate out to the world is the energy you get back. And certainly my drinking had caused issues with my parents, because I think they've always been mindful of the fact that there is alcoholism in my family and they've always watched very carefully what they drink, and I think it shows up differently in each of us, right? I think the combination of different lifestyle factors and who I am, and maybe a genetic predisposition to alcoholism and addiction, meant that in me it manifested in quite an extreme way in certain patches of my life where I wasn't particularly happy. So getting that under control is going to be an ongoing journey through the rest of my life. But what I can say is these past months just get better and better and the more I work on myself, the more the rest of my life just seems to expand and the happier I feel and the healthier I feel. So it's been a journey and yeah, I would just say there are so many incredible resources out there.
Speaker 2:I think actually what really started when I knew that I'd hit rock bottom and I was drinking on my own in my apartment and I was hiding it and I was feeling really secretive and really unhealthy because your skin and certain things about, like I wasn't eating well, I lost a whole lot of weight. I wasn't. I was slurring my words when I was speaking with friends, I wasn't showing up as who I really am or who I really want to be in the world, and actually it was listening to loads of different podcasts out there that that are on sobriety and on different people's journeys, and so that's what's really motivated me, in the spirit of my North Star of turning pain into purpose. If my story can inspire even one person to think about improving their relationship with alcohol whether that's going sober or reducing then I will be a happy woman, because I think that on the flip side of obviously the the fun and that sort of image that alcohol has associated with it, there's actually a whole lot of negative, negative effects that it has on your health, and so there's a lot to be mindful of that.
Speaker 2:I think when you're in the mindset of being a binge drinker or a heavy drinker, you just completely can disregard those, but it's actually the more of research just how much it impacts your mind but also so many other aspects of your body. I now just want to really look after my mind. I really want to look after my body, and I think the reality of alcohol is it's a poison and it should be used incredibly carefully. So if you can't use it incredibly carefully, then I couldn't. Then for me, the path forwards was to not drink, which has been a really great decision for my health and happiness and, yeah, I think it's be flourishing for me now, more than they have really ever.
Speaker 1:So when you went through all of those challenges and drinking, were you drinking when you were working at the bank? How did that affect your career? Yeah, great question.
Speaker 2:I think my alcoholism presented in its worst way in when I had a personal relationship breakdown in my 30s. So I would say that it didn't really impact my career during my 20s. So when I was working in banking, I think I remember getting too drunk on one night out with other graduates in the banking scheme. But to be fair, we were all in our early 20s actually and actually a lot of people were drinking a lot at that time. So it was hard to really distinguish, like who was just doing that once in a blue moon and didn't necessarily have an issue or thought they had an issue with alcohol, versus who was really drinking in a concerning way, and so I don't think I'd recognized in my early 20s yet that I have a particularly unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
Speaker 2:It probably wasn't until I moved to New York when I was 25. And I think that I'm someone who just who loves to push myself outside of my comfort zone, and with that comes like a huge feeling of discomfort, and I think sometimes the easy way to soothe that is to reach for the numbing agent. Whether that's alcohol, it's different for everyone. It could be alcohol, it could be drugs, it could be food, it could be all sorts of things like whatever your yeah, and for me that seems to have always been alcohol. And I think it escalated when I got to New York because I was in this much bigger playing field, and I was in that's when I moved into tech and that's when I moved into managing portfolios of clients, and these are high profile clients. So I was working with the likes of Airbnb and Apple and Adidas, nike. I had these incredible clients and that's when the era of the boozy lunch with clients started to enter the scene. And I feel like when I was in my bank.
Speaker 2:We didn't do that so much, and so I had made mistakes when I had been drinking earlier on. They weren't, it didn't, it hadn't occurred to me yet Perhaps it had to other people that it was a serious issue to address. And so I think the first time a friend was concerned about me one of my best friends at the time and she spoke about it in a way that you are unwell and I. It has taken me about 10 years since then to really realize that addiction, alcoholism, is a disease and it wasn't, wasn't something just to push, push down and push a sweep under the rug and maybe have do a dry January then think I was cured, because that's not how this disease works. It's something to be managed just like any other kind of chronic illness, and carefully and proactively and every single day taking the steps.
Speaker 2:And so I think when I got to New York, it was also a little bit of. I was this new person in this new city, forming this new identity, and I could be whoever I wanted to be. And I think the the thing that alcohol gave me was the ability to shape, shift, to be put on these masks and be whoever maybe I was with wanted me to be. It made making new connections easier because it's this especially when you just have a couple of drinks, it can be more of a social lubricant. When you've had multiple drinks, it can be socially incredibly destructive.
Speaker 1:That's what I was going to ask you is how often and how much did you drink at your worst time?
Speaker 2:When it got to its worst, I spent a couple years in the US. I would say there were flashes of it being bad, but I think when it really got to its worst was after I'd settled in London. I'd been in London, I've lived here for seven years now. This is very much home. But when it got to its worst a couple of years ago, I was drinking multiple bottles of wine a day and that's when, not so much in the day, occasionally in the day but in the evenings, my consumption was just for someone who has a small frame and who was still running marathons and being really active and working these big, high profile jobs, I was very much a high functioning alcoholic. Yeah, and it was just yeah. It was any time I was, I felt like. Any time I needed to go and meet someone, I needed to have a few pre-drinks just to feel like myself, because I was so addicted to the substance. But actually I wasn't being myself. I was being this performative, sort of just scared and lost version of myself. That wasn't the real me.
Speaker 2:And I think there's been so much strength in finally owning that, because I wasn't ready to own it until it did get to rock bottom and it did start to impact my career, because I, as I've grown in my career in tech, which is where I've been working for the last 10 years, since I moved to the US and then over to the UK to launch a startup that I then worked with the team to take public on the New York Stock Exchange, so these big sort of quite high pressure roles, because there's these revenue targets and again, like lots of these boozy client functions, lots of boozy team functions, and I think it's yeah. Over the last couple of years it got to the point where it was like I was as someone in a leadership role, I was taking it too far, just a little bit too often, and it was starting to make me feel crap about myself and also probably damage my brand. So I had to really think about that and make some changes and have some conversations with people to take steps.
Speaker 1:On that day that you decide this is done. I've had enough. I can't keep doing this to myself. I need to do better. Do you remember that day? And what exactly did you do? Did you pour out what was already in your house? Did you throw out everything, get rid of it? What did you do to really just go okay, I'm done.
Speaker 2:Such a good question because it wasn't like this monumental, like I'd had this huge breakdown on the day that I decided that I was done. It was actually my brother's birthday and I was just. I was feeling so low and I wasn't where he lives in Berlin, but I was feeling so I actually got to the point where I've never been suicidal. But I got to the point I was like I just wish I wasn't here anymore, like I was never going to do anything. But I just didn't want to be who I was anymore. I didn't want to be living that life anymore and I think that yeah, I think I poured out a bottle of wine or two.
Speaker 2:I didn't really ever keep much alcohol in the house because I knew it wouldn't last long, so I did get rid of any sort of traces of whatever was left and I made a very I made a promise to myself and I'd actually seen a good friend that day and I'd said it out loud to her and she was a newer friend who'd come into my orbit, who just felt like a. Really, I think with friends or connections you've got radiators and then sometimes you've got those who maybe are a little bit more draining and don't quite get it. But she was a real radiator around this topic and she was like, yeah, and she'd stayed at my flat with me for a few days and I think she could see that the way I was drinking was just a little bit, it wasn't it was just a little bit abnormal, it was a little bit not quite right.
Speaker 2:And so when I said to her I think I've got a problem and I need to stop, and she said you know what that? That is you choosing you. There is no shame in that. And I think having that validated by someone who I really trusted, and then the fact that it was just it happened to be my brother's birthday, just felt not that at the time I mentioned it to him, because it wasn't until weeks later when I called him to say, ahead of his wedding, that I won't be drinking. And these are the reasons why and obviously love your support and of course he supported me.
Speaker 2:But I think at the time I was unemployed. I because my mental health had gotten so bad in my previous company, I did end up leaving and taking a few months off and I knew, with those few months I wanted to use them to get sober and I knew that it was something that I probably would struggle, it would be harder to do while making that big flip, whilst being in a very big, fast paced job with a lot of pressure and a lot of temptation. And I think it. Yeah, I think the other piece was I presented at my GP and basically, thankfully I have an incredible GP here in the UK. The NHS is so amazing. They're under so much pressure and I just said to her like this isn't who I am, like I'm, sometimes I'm drinking in the day and I'm on my own and I'm depressed, I'm lonely, I'm anxious and that's just not who I actually am. And I know I can be better than this. And she really believed in me. She saw me, she met me where I was and she took all of these steps to refer me to Turn In Point, which is a fantastic addiction recovery service, and I've worked with them for the last yeah, the last, best part of the last year.
Speaker 2:And the thing that they do I think that's actually it makes the barrier to entry a bit less aggressive is they work with you in the beginning on seeing if you can moderate. Obviously, no, no alcoholic. I don't know an alcoholic who can moderate. Maybe some eventually can find a healthy relationship with it. I think the average leave the notion of AA being like all or nothing and you've got to stop now and like all of a sudden it's just off that. I had struggled to make peace with that over my initial attempts but this Turning Point organization were fantastic and I think, starting to go to groups and starting to realize that actually there's so many people that have this issue and there's so many people you can lean on and starting to make friends who are in recovery and starting to see the joy in all of these other ways that you can spend time with people.
Speaker 2:And actually now, like I'm, barely any of my social outings revolve around alcohol and if they do, it doesn't bother me if a friend wants to drink, as long as there's no pressure on me to drink, because I think it's always a delicate balance, right, it's a personal, very deeply personal thing to me. I don't necessarily, if I'm meeting a stranger, want to have to explain oh, I've got to, I've got a difficult relationship with alcohol. So I just say I don't drink and that's thankfully. Most people really accept that. But I think, yeah, in the early days I did find sober, tiktok I, because I would just stay up late watching these videos of inspiring people who have given up alcohol. Actually I don't say give up, because actually you gain your life back, so you're not really giving up anything.
Speaker 2:I don't love that language, but I think I started a TikTok account and that was a helpful community and I didn't even put my name to it because I wasn't. I didn't want everyone to know that I was trying this in case I failed and I still. Of course, that's always a risk, but now, seeing the progress across my life and how directly correlated that is to me being on this path of sobriety and then this path of health and wellness and personal development and none of these things like I guarantee you, I would not have a VP job at a tech firm today, I would not be DJing at parties, I would not be getting up and playing tennis and running in the mornings, I would not have the relationships I have with my family and my friends and myself if I was still drinking, and I would not have a beautiful, functional house that I live in, and all of it's just the basics. So I think it's just this there's everything to lose and so much to gain by staying on this path.
Speaker 1:You're absolutely right. There's so much to gain, and what's interesting about your story is you've found pleasure and become an, a DJ, which you're around. As a DJ, you're around a lot of drinkers and so now you're witnessing all of what what that life's like without being intoxicated yourself. So share some stories of how you got into DJ and your feelings of all these people drinking around you.
Speaker 2:Honestly, tisha, like when I see it I just go.
Speaker 2:I wonder what that person's trauma is that they're trying to escape as someone on the other side now, like not in a judgmental way, but I think when you see people getting hammered, you're just, I just feel like empathy and I just want to send them love, because it's not a fun place to be when you're, when you, when your idea of fun because I was there for so long is just escaping your reality. So for me, I don't, I just look at them with okay, I hope you're okay and I hope that what you're doing is just a fun thing for you and this isn't an issue. But I think in terms of, in terms of the DJing piece, I do. I love dancing, I love music. I find it so soothing.
Speaker 2:I was never particularly musically talented in school. I think I tried piano, the flute, the violin, all the things, and none of those really stuck. But what I decided might be an option for me was learning to DJ because I have some friends who DJ. I'd always loved going out to clubs dancing and have a huge passion for music and dancing and just really you can feel it in your body and that those endorphins, that natural dopamine rush. It was such a big help in healing for me and I think also just using that time, that I was now not spending on destroying my body and drinking I was. I wanted to put it towards something productive.
Speaker 2:So, actually, turning point, the addiction recovery service I worked with they actually funded my lessons at the London Sound Academy and that's a part of the recovery. They encourage you to explore interests, hobbies, be active in the community and thankfully I've got some yeah, some great friends around me who have given me some opportunities to DJ at their parties and I'm very much beginning on my journey. It's a huge respect for anyone who is an accomplished DJ because it's a very technical and very involved job. I did a six hour set at a Halloween party recently and it was like it had felt like and I've run a couple of marathons before.
Speaker 1:I think it was almost like more physically demanding and yeah, I think because you're mentally and physically doing something at the same time when you're doing a marathon you just go, you just run one foot in front of the other.
Speaker 2:You've obviously got to keep your pacing and everything right. But I think the DJing thing, yeah to early days, like I see, yeah, I see a lot of hope and a lot of opportunity there and I've got another party coming up for, a good friends Christmas party that I'll DJ in December. That I'm excited about and I love the process of really thinking about the brief that the client even though I'm not charging for my services at the moment, while I'm learning, but I like to really take it seriously and practice and make sure that I'm going to have a curated list of music for the audience or the guests are going to really love.
Speaker 1:Are you videotaping yourself DJing and putting it on TikTok?
Speaker 2:Not so much TikTok yet there's a couple on Instagram, but it's a good idea. Maybe I'll expand my, my my sober account to include some of my pursuits of DJing excellence. But yeah, there's a few videos. The Sound Academy have filmed me a little bit and I think I've just actually started a new job, so that's very much been where my focus and attention and energy has gone these last weeks. But I'm super excited I've got some more lessons coming up at the London Sound Academy and again, it's just even today like I had this beautiful Sunday of self-care activities and I was watching some DJ sets on YouTube and just taking notes and shazamming things I liked and just practicing a little bit. I've got some decks at home and it's.
Speaker 2:I think it gives you that real feeling of of self, back to self-worth. And I think if we can't, if we don't trust and value ourselves and we, if we don't know who we are, then how can we go out into the world and make, you know, choices that are aligned with our values and not just and meet and attract in friends, partners, opportunities that are aligned to our authentic selves? And I think DJing is yeah, it's interesting because I used to be the always the last one on the dance floor in my my party days, maybe not in a great way, stumbling around like maybe not making so much sense, but now it's. Yeah, I do it. As I walked away from my last DJ gig, which was my sort of debut, feeling so respected and I feel like that's not a feeling that I'd had on a night out before.
Speaker 2:I feel like I would often just take things in a more destructive direction when I was on my previous self and being my current self who shows up and wants to. I all I want to do is just make everything better for myself and everyone else, and this is a really tangible way that I can contribute to. That really lights my soul on fire. And I think to your point when you introduced me the, the turning passion into profession. This is still very much a passion and a side hustle, because it's going to take time to build up to a place where I can drive any revenue from it.
Speaker 2:But I want to really just explore it as a creative outlet, because I think that when I think about addiction and alcoholism, so many incredible artists and musicians have struggled with addiction.
Speaker 2:And that's how they make such beautiful music. I've always been a huge fan of Elton John. Betty and the Jets is a song that I've stood on tables and sung many a times, and I've read his book about his journey with his own addiction. And I think because there's it's almost like there's so much inside of you that you want to release, that sometimes it's so loud and so noisy that you you want to just escape it, and so that's why you can go down the destructive path, or you can go hang on. It's harder, but I can actually create something magic I can create. I can turn my pain into purpose and then I can put something out into the world that hopefully others might draw inspiration from.
Speaker 2:And that's why, whenever I live alone now. I'm single at the moment and starting to really embrace my single life and love it actually, and so having music on is yeah is something that brings me a lot of joy, and I'm always making notes on what I want to build into to which sort of set lists and things like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's that's what I'm trying to do, I think, by finding yourself and finding your joy and being single and you don't focus on being with somebody else. That's when your forever person will show up in your life. When you leave, expect it. It's a matter of when you figure out who you are and what you love. Then you start attracting what you deserve.
Speaker 2:I couldn't agree more and this is it's a real. I feel like I'm breaking generations of trauma and also finally breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns that I've had really my whole life romantically and that sort of culminated in one major relationship breakdown that I know we won't go into so much today, but I think it was finally that realization of hang on. The solution to a breakup and a broken heart and feeling alone isn't to just find the next person who I seem to click with and then have them plug that need, and the solution is for me to really understand myself. And this is the longest time I've ever been single in my adult life. It's been almost two years and I would say it's only the last six months that I've really started to lean into that and go.
Speaker 2:You know what? I don't even know if I want to date right now I feel like I'm just expanding and growing and evolving and eventually, hopefully, eventually, I'm sure, if I'm meant to, I'll attract in someone who is aligned with that and I'm not. It's for the first time. I don't feel really that worried about it and I think what the universe has it's has its plan for all of us and I, yeah, I think I couldn't agree more that when you're seeking something, it's don't chase attract.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. There's somebody who wants to follow your story and follow you. How would they find you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a really great question, tanisha, and as someone who is really following, following what I believe my purpose is and leaning into the podcast world and leaning into starting to write about this and share my story more, I'm thinking about that because I, at the moment, I've got Instagram. I don't really share much about my sobriety on there, but what, what I'm about to start releasing are sub-stack posts and monthly newsletters, so I will send you the link to my account in so you can add it into the show notes. But I think, certainly, if anyone did want to drop me a message on on Instagram or you can share my email. I think that for now, while my content and I guess collateral is in its infancy, I would love to connect one-on-one with people, but I do very much have visions to create a platform and I'm also quite passionate about the alcohol-free drink space, and so I've got ideas for maybe starting to, to explore that as a side hustle and start to think about if I could build a startup around alcohol-free drinks.
Speaker 1:So more to come for sure that would be awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's something that I, because it's I think again, like if it's your story and if you're so connected to it, it's your driven like. I find myself sometimes waking up in the middle of the night in the best way possible.
Speaker 2:It's not like I'm waking up with this alcohol-induced headache, it's I'm just thinking of my mocktail company, like I've got this new idea, so it's. It's like the script is totally flipped. But for now, malin Ball Biscuit my Instagram handle. I would love to hear from you.
Speaker 2:I do post about generally a lot of wellness related and hobby related activities I get up to and things I do with my friends. And yeah, I think while I'm, while I'm treading sort of one foot in front of the other into my sober life, I am I'm not I wouldn't say I'm sharing daily tips and tricks and things like that, but this is really a big step for me to be able to speak with you today about my journey, and I'll be sharing lots more in the future as I really figure out how I can turn what I've been through into ways to help other people and turn a lot of those those morning pages that I journal every single day into something that can be productive. And hopefully it's all for people out there who might be struggling with something similar. But in the meantime, if anyone wanted to chat, you can always DM me on Instagram.
Speaker 1:I love that. Your story is definitely very encouraging because there's a lot of people, especially young women, that probably struggle with alcoholism because alcohol tends to, like you said, numb the problems and the challenges and the way this world is, and there's a lot of people with challenges. They they challenge with anxiety, they challenge with depression, they challenge with family or life or relationship problems, and so they need encouragement as to how to get out of that. Your, your heart, is pure. You're absolutely gorgeous, and I'm certain that when you were going through all of those negative feelings and thoughts, you were seeing different in the mirror. You weren't seeing the positivity of what we see today, and so your quality of life now, from what it sounds like, is so much better and you're. You mentioned your skin earlier and your skin's glowing by the way on on video, and so you could tell that you've gotten healthier by letting go of alcohol. I love your idea of doing the mock cocktails. I think that is going to be brilliant. I encourage you 100% to do that.
Speaker 2:Thanks, tanisha, I'll sit once I launch, I'll send you some samples.
Speaker 1:I would love it. I would love it. I think we need more of that. I used to drink old duels has an amber non-alcoholic beer, because I like amber beer and I don't drink a whole lot of alcohol, but that one was really good and so I didn't feel like I was drinking anything different than what you know my friends were drinking and it tasted good, but you don't have to have alcohol to have a great time.
Speaker 1:You just have to have a positive mindset and to know that your environment is the great time. It's not what you're putting into your body. But I also think about too, like when we're doing stuff, how it's going to affect our insides and our health and our overall mindset, and where what kind of mistakes are we going to make? Because I know in the past, when I used to drink, there was a moment of time that sticks in my head now where we were downtown. It was me and a friend of mine. We were at a dance club and we had gotten this fishbowl. We weren't paying attention to who was around and somebody dropped something in our drink.
Speaker 1:And the next day I woke up somehow in my house and she was not there. She was gone. Come to find out she was found in an alley somewhere. I don't know how I even got home. I don't know how she ended up in the alley, but she ended up going to the ER the next day because she wasn't sure what happened to her, and so that woke me up after that, because I was like gosh. I don't ever want to be blacked out like that again. I don't ever want to be put in a situation to where I can't remember what I had done and I know, it could have been what if they put in our drink more so than alcohol?
Speaker 1:But the point is, I put myself in a position to be drinking alcohol and not being protective of myself. It's just stories like that young women they go through, and there's a lot worse than that, of course. Some women are not very lucky. They end up getting raped, they end up getting just doing things that they never even think of doing and their self-esteem and their self-worth is not existent at that moment, and that's it.
Speaker 2:That's it. I think that it does and I think when you've got that low self-esteem and low self-worth and maybe I think a lot of times it relates to people who have perfectionism tendencies and people pleases and just confused about their identity, and I think it is it's such an easy thing to reach for alcohol and I think to your point, I definitely ended up in like there was one situation that sticks in my mind last year where I was newly single, I was out stating loads of people. I was at that point where I wasn't happy in myself yet but and I was still drinking heavily and I was really scared and I'd gone back to a guy's house and and I had to escape. I had to run away in the middle of the night and luckily nothing happened to me, but obviously if I hadn't had seven cocktails like I wouldn't have been in that situation and and I can it's in to fast forward this group.
Speaker 2:Now to last night. I went out with another girlfriend who doesn't drink. Actually, so many people in my life now I think it's just you attract what you are right, but so many of these wonderful people in my life actually don't drink for various reasons and or alcohol is just not a huge feature. And we were out at Soho house like having a. We had a vibrante spritz which is like an alcohol free take on an apparel spritz. It's delicious, it's yeah, and we were still on the dance floor having a great time. But then I woke up this morning and was able to go to my yoga class. I was feeling amazing. I was walking in the sunshine with my cup of coffee, I was journaling and meditating and just doing all of the things that I know I need to do to show up for myself that make me feel great.
Speaker 2:And so there's no, in fact, you're not missing out. When you don't drink, like when you have a hangover, you are putting pause on your potential like you are, and and if some people choose to do that, sometimes with their time, that's their choice. I have no judgment, but for me, I feel like I've done enough of that now. Now I'm ready to show the world what I've got, but also look after my health and, to your point, I did start to have some really scary things happen with my heart and palpitations and blackouts and all sorts of symptoms that come as a result of drinking too much alcohol, and so it's not just the mental side where you feel really dark, you physically just. My hands were peeling, my skin looked gray, I've lost all this weight. I had constant health issues physically, and that again isn't a good thing in your career, because you're taking sick days or you're showing up and you're only able to operate at 30% of who you actually are and you're meant to be inspiring the team and you're just. It's absolute hell.
Speaker 1:I was going to say I used to work in the banking industry actually as well, and I remember times where we would go out partying and I literally would still wear the same thing. I wore that night at work at seven in the morning Because I never went to sleep. I would show up at work with the nighttime clothes on and maybe dress it up a little bit here or there, throw on a jacket or throw on a different pair of shoes but brush my teeth at least.
Speaker 1:But then I would go to work without any sleep at all and not work at the highest capacity that I normally could, because I'd be exhausted, just exhausted. And I remember those days and I was like I don't even know how I did that. I really do not know how I did that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I find it's like triggering to even think about now, like the fact that I would keep myself up for days on end and just repeating that cycle and I've definitely done that back when I was in banking at being out all night, had a few hours sleep on a friend's sofa and rocked up to the next day in the same outfit, just with a bit of deodorant and a smear of lipstick, and it's not a sustainable way to live.
Speaker 1:I can only imagine how we've smelled.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, I know and I think that's the thing now, and I do take such pride in just personal maintenance and home maintenance and really spending that time giving your face a massage and putting on some nice fragrance and putting on a nice blouse and looking after your hair and your skin and your nails, and none of that stuff is possible when you are drinking to excess or abusing substances in any way. And I think it's interesting that at the time I wouldn't have probably realized, or I didn't ever realize, that I probably smelled really bad.
Speaker 2:And yeah, and now it's definitely something that I treat myself to and actually it's on my list of treats to buy myself soon, because that's another beauty of not drinking you save a lot of money when you were drinking heavily and you're not buying the alcohol anymore. I think it's really important to reward ourselves with regular self-care.
Speaker 1:I agree, and it's so interesting. We just got a few minutes left, but it's so interesting that when you're not drinking, it's the same thing like somebody who's a smoker, when you quit smoking and then you smell it on somebody else. You're like oh my gosh, did I smell? Like that, and then it's the same thing that people don't realize. When you're an alcoholic, it comes out of your pores Like you can smell the alcohol on the person.
Speaker 1:You smell it in their skin. You smell it just like you would if they were smoking. You can smell the alcohol in their hair, their skin, their body and their breath, everywhere. And alcoholics, the ones that are like people who are really heavily alcoholics or, like you said, a high-functioning alcoholic, which means you still function just like a normal person, but nobody would have known that you were drinking unless they can smell it on you.
Speaker 2:And you know what, when my drinking got its worst was in COVID, when I was working remote and people probably noticed some odd things in my behavior, but they wouldn't have been able to smell me because I could be having a glass of wine at 4 pm and still working till 8 pm, and yeah, to your point.
Speaker 2:It's then when you show up and I think the shame and the guilt you have in yourself means you're not really looking whoever you're meeting with in the eye and you're not connecting on that real, authentic, genuine level, because you are treating your body like a trash can and you can possibly beam and glow and have pride in yourself if that's how you're treating yourself.
Speaker 1:That is a great way to put it. So much, mel, thank you so much. Your story is so encouraging. I cannot wait for our listeners to hear this. I know it's gonna help a lot of people a lot of young ladies for sure that struggle with alcoholism or struggle with trying to make sure that they balance your life. I'm so excited for you, for your future, because you look amazing, you sound amazing, you have this passion with the DJing which I really hope that passion flourishes to everything that you ever expected to be and I so appreciate your time with us today.
Speaker 2:Thank, you so much, tanisha, for having me, and I'm so grateful that you are creating this platform to have these really important conversations for not just young women, but for everyone to be able to hear. I think the more stories we can share, the more we realize that everyone is going through things and there's nothing to hide or to be ashamed of. And, yeah, if this is helpful to you, I'd love to hear from you. If you've got any questions, just reach out on Instagram and thank you again for having me.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. Her Instagram will be at the bottom of our YouTube channel. It'll also be at the bottom of the podcasting description, so if you guys want to know it, go look for it. We look forward to hearing from you in your comments and don't forget to subscribe. Have a great day, everyone. Thanks again. Thanks, guys.